Remember Me Wholy
by Scarlets
Summary: Muraki decides to interfere into the lives of Hisoka, Tsuzuki and Hijiri, and he knew just the right trick to break the three friends apart, contains yaoi....
1. The beginning of it all

Tittle: Remember Me Wholy  
Authur: Silver-Winged-Angel (Janet)  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei, Youko Matsushita sensei is the owner, I'll just borrow them for a while. I really wished they were mine though, joke!  
Summery: You can never forget totally about the past but don't let it control your future.  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1- Beginning of it all  
  
Kurosaki Hisoka woke up groggily one morning, one fine morning. But to Hisoka, all mornings are the same. There aren't any fine morning or beautiful morning or bright morning or any crap like that. He would roll his eyes whenever people talked about birds chirping outside, sakura petals falling like pink snow. He would get annoyed and no one every tried to probe deeper to find out why Hisoka was such in a foul mood. He always kept his curtains closed for fear of anyone peeking into his privacy. He never cared if sunshine didn't come through. He hated dark places but the sunshine could go through curtain anyway and fear of total darkness was swept aside. He wasn't really an anti-nature kinda freak, but he's just diffrent to some people.  
  
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, stretched and got up from bed. His bathrobe were located and headed towards the bathroom to have a quick shower before going to school. He checked the forever ticking clock on the wall to see that it had already striked 7.00 o'clock. School starts at 8. He yawned again and proceeded the journey towards the bathroom. The shower was turned on and he stepped into the falling rains of sparkling water, enjoying the massage that the water gave on his skin. He closed his eyes. His stressed muscle were soon starting to ease... ease.... ease... ease... ease... and suddenly... BANG! BANG! BANG! Hisoka gave a startled gasp. "'Soka-chan! Are you in there?" came a too familiar annoying voice. "Baka!! Of course I am, who else would it be?" Hisoka yelled from inside. The sound of a puppy whining could then be heard. Asato Tsuzuki hated to be yelled at, especially from Hisoka, who shared a house with him and Minase Hijiri, another friend of them who looks exactly like Hisoka but had darker hair. "You don't have to yell," Tsuzuki pouted. Hisoka kept quiet and hoped his noisy friend would leave him alone.  
  
BANG! BANG! BANG! "What?!" came another yell from the already annoyed Hisoka. "Oh, Gomen!! I thought you drowned or something, you didn't quite answer me," Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Baka, baka! I didn't hear you asking anything! Anyway, go away! I'm trying to have a peaceful bath here if you mind," Tsuzuki then remembered his intention. "Er, 'soka, emm, Hijiri, he, err," Hisoka listened closely, 'what's wrong again this time,' his mind whispered. "Hijirilefthesaidhe'slateforschoolandhesaidsorrytoyoufornotwaiting," Tsuzuki held his breath. His eyes shut tight and his puppified ear tried to block out whatever yell Hisoka was gonna make. Then he heard a loud splash. Hisoka took his bathrobe, put it on and slammed the door open. The door hitting the wall behind it mercilessly made Tsuzuki flinch. Wow, that was violent. "NANI?!!!" Tsuzuki smiled sheepishly, trying to hide his fear for this boy who is half his size. "Er, he said he had project to do and he couldn't wait," The blonde haired boy took a glance at the clock on the wall. "Is he blind or something?! It's only 7.15!" Hisoka took out his anger on Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki pouted again. He hated being scolded and his popular chibi puppy form, half the size of Hisoka began making little incoherent noise. Tsuzuki wagged his fluffy tail and his cute ear moved up and down, hoping the gesture would calm Hisoka down.   
  
Hisoka sighed and took another glance at the clock. 'Now I'll have to go to school alone.' his mind screamed. He crossed his arms around his chest and 'hmped', glaring at the puppied Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki cowered under the bed at his friend's glare. Hisoka marched angrily at his closet and pulled out his school uniform. "Now if you mind, I have to change, Tsuzuki," Hisoka ushered the puppy out of his room and slammed his door shut. He gave out another exasperated sigh and began changing to his dark blue coloured school uniform. He checked his reflection in the mirror and started combing his naturally wheat coloured hair. It was long but he had no tangle problem. It was also naturally soft. His hands automatically picked up his school bag and walked out to see a still puppied Tsuzuki munching on a strawberry pastry. "Ah, 'hoka, I hade hea hor hu," Tsuzuki greeted with a mouthfull of pastries. "Menace!" Hisoka reminded him. He snatched one of Tsuzuki's pastry from his plate and ate it. He quickly gulped down his own tea. "You took mine!" Tsuzuki protested. Hisoka ignored his friend and rushed out the door to his bike. He placed his bag in the basket, climbed on it and rode to school, still mad about Hijiri not waiting for him. 'What is this 'project' thing anyway?' Hisoka asked quietly in his mind.   
  
He checked his wrist watch and realised it's already 7.55. 'Time flew fast when I didn't want it to,' his mind grumbled again. He rushed to class and found his friend, Minase Hijiri sitting with a big mountain like model on his table in front of him. Hisoka went up to Hijiri and glared at him. Hijiri sweat dropped. "Err, I guess Tsuzuki told you?" It wasn't really a question but, he was dead nervous with an angry Hisoka in front of him. Hisoka crossed his arms around his chest and waited for an explanation from his friend. "Er, I had this project I had to finish and I forgot some really important factors so I was gonna ask Matsushita sensei about it since it's so important I decided to go to school early so that I can be at Yutaka sensei's office before any other student does cause you know I hate to wait in a long line," Hijiri babbled it all out. He took a deep breath, exchanging it with the one he wasted out. Hisoka just sighed and walked to his seat next to Hijiri's. "What on earth is that anyway?" Hisoka pointed towards the mountain. Glad that Hijiri received a response from his easily tempered friend he broke out into a smile. "This is the project I'm talking about, Yutaka sensei asked us to do a project on nature and I did this cool volcano!" Hijiri exclaimed happily. Then he saw that Hisoka was empty handed. "'Soka? What did you do for your project?" he questioned. Hisoka than produced another modul from under his desk.  
  
Hijiri's mouth fell open at the sight of the modul. "Sugoii!!! 'Soka-chan! When did you make it? I don't remember you bringing a project home!" It was a beautiful waterfall made from clay, the colours of the waterfall mixed and made it even more fantastic. "I was even more of a hard worker than you Hijiri, I didn't spend my time here at school talking when the teacher is absent," he said. Hijiri was offensed by Hisoka's words. "Ah, sou ka? Then, lets compete our marks than, if that's what you want?!" Hijiri bit back. Hisoka simply sat down and replied, "Yoshi," Hijiri smirked. Of course Yutaka sensei would pick his project. 'It's just a simple waterfall, and I take back whatever I said to make his pride go high!' his mind said.   
  
  
(Authur's note: I'm sorry it's so short, but hey, it's my first time writing a Yami no Matsuei fic, I hope you enjoy it though... ja ne! chapter 2 coming right up!) 


	2. Let the 'competition' begin

Tittle: Remember Me Wholy  
Authur: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Rating: PG13.... R in later parts...  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei or any of their characters.. just borrowing them from Matsushita-sensei, I'll return them later sensei...  
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let the past control your future...  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 2 Let the 'competition' begin  
Yutaka sensei walked in the class and the monitor was the first to stand up. "Ohayo gozaimasu, sensei," the monitor spoke aloud and the rest of the class followed with a bow. Yutaka-sensei nodded slightly and the class sat down. The science teacher sat down on his respectful chair behind the desk and began taking attendance. Hijiri was sitting restlessly on his chair, waiting for the teacher to finish doing the job. "Okay class, I believe I've given each and everyone of you some task yesterday, a science project," the blond haired teacher started, "Put your project on your desk and I'll examine it, those who didn't do it, please stand up," he continued again. Some of the students were reluctant to do so, but they would expect more punishment from the blond haired sensei. So, shamefully a couple of students stood up trying as fast as their brains could go to think up of a excuse. "The two of you, please see me in my office after class, wakatte?" they nodded. "Hai,"  
  
Hijiri smirked again, "Let's see who's mark's higher now," he whispered to Hisoka, but was ignored. Hisoka was confident of his own 'piece of art'. He won't lose. Hijiri rolled his eyes. His friend could be arrogant and annoying sometimes. Sensei began his journey from the front end of the class, slowly examining it and jotting the marks down. Sensei came closer and closer to the two boys and Hijiri's heart was thumping loud in his chest. 'What am I so nervous about now? It's just a simple competing to see who's marks the highest!' his mind screamed. 'Calm down, calm down, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, I'll win anyway,' his mind said again. Sensei came closer and reached Hisoka's desk. Hijiri began sweating. 'What's wrong with me? Sheesh!' he thought again and wiped away the perspiration on his forehead. Hisoka's project was marked and Hijiri refused to see how much he got yet. Sensei moved on to Hijiri's desk and began studying his work. 'Please let me get a high mark, please,' he pleaded silently.   
  
The moment he'd been waiting for came and the mark was written down on the piece of plank that his project sat on. He looked at it and almost broke out into a moronic grin. 95 out of 100. Kakkoii! But he couldn't celebrate just yet. He needed to know what Hisoka's mark is. Sensei finished marking and began the lecture about nature. He never wanted to create trouble by talking in the middle of the lecture so he decided to ask him after school. The rest of the days and class passed by was a blur to both Hisoka and Hijiri. Neither of them interested in the lesson the teachers tried to fit through their mind. But Hisoka could really pretend having interest, while Hijiri was scolded a couple of times. The dreading moment every student and suprisingly, some teachers came as the bell rang and everyone spread out the class like bulls that had been given freedom to go. Both Hijiri and Hisoka walked out the class calmly and out of Tomoatsu Highschool. "So how much did you get Hijiri-kun?" Hisoka asked, dreading the answer. Hijiri kept his pride high up to the sky. "95 out of 100, I win 'Soka-chan," Hisoka smirked, and almost laugh out loud. At least, something good happened today, something that would take his foul mood away.  
  
"Uh-uh, no you don't, I got 97 out of o-n-e-h-u-n-d-r-e-d," Hisoka said, almost mocking his friend. Hijiri's eyes bulged, almost coming out of it's socket. "Nandato?! You got 97? shikashi.." Hisoka ignored his partner and climbed on his bike, Hijiri followed suit. "You must've misread them, how could you get...." Hijiri was about to protest, "I won alright? Now enough about this thing," Hisoka cut in annoyed. "Demo, 'soka-chan, mine was better than yours," Hijiri dared himself to said it. He never liked to upset anyone but Hijiri was.. well.. confused. "Hijiri-kun, enough okay? It's just a simple project, nothing more, now let's get back and if Tsuzuki is home early from his part time job, we can go out or something," Hisoka tried. He never liked to argue with either Hijiri nor Tsuzuki. Both of them would take ages to finish in arguing.   
  
They cycled back home in silence. "Tadaima! Tsuzuki?" Hijiri called out. Tsuzuki walked out of the kitchen, wearing an apron with a picture of a puppy eating a birthday cake in front. "Eh, back already?" Hisoka could smell the aroma of Tsuzuki's cooking. His nose wrinkled a little. It smelled great but what about the taste? He was praying Tsuzuki knew what he was doing. For Hijiri, according to his past's experience, he wouldn't want to taste Tsuzuki's home made curry ever again. Unless Tsuzuki went for a cooking training. It almost killed him. And Tsuzuki even thought he liked it! "Hora! Mite, mite! I cooked lunch specially for the both of you!" Tsuzuki led them to the kitchen. Tsuzuki had already prepared it on the table. Hijiri saw only two plates containing food. "Ano, Tsuzuki, aren't you gonna eat too?" he asked. "Nope, I already said, it's especially for both of you," Hijiri's mind flared. 'You cheater! You don't wanna eat 'coz you know it'll kill us!' his mind screamed accusingly. Hijiri and Hisoka sat on their own chair and looked at the food hesitantly. He could even hear Hisoka sighing. 'This better be good, Tsuzuki, or else,' Hisoka thought.  
  
Hijiri took the first bite of cabbage. He chewed on it for a while before his face turned animated green. 'TOO MUCH SALT!!' and he mentally gagged. Hisoka saw the reaction from Hijiri and thought twice, wether to be poisoned by it, or just eat it. Then he saw Tsuzuki's hopeful puppy eyes beside him. "Soka-chan, you haven't eaten yet," Tsuzuki said, still not realizing that Hijiri's face was a faded colour of green. Not wanting to hurt his friend, Hisoka took a bite from the meat. 'Gods, help me,' he pleaded silently. He managed to keep his cool like always and his face was still the same pale colour, no green, no blue. Hisoka nodded automatically. Hijiri's eyes turned wide, not believing it. Hisoka was good at hiding his emotions. Tsuzuki's unusual purple eyes widen in happiness. He then turned towards Hijiri who already moved on from the unfortunate choking section. "It tastes great Tsuzuki," he said quickly. The least thing he wanted to do right now is hurt his amethyst eyed friend. Tsuzuki is the kind of person who sheds tears easily over a simple thing. For an example, over mushi things such as movies. Whenever anyone would take Tsuzuki to a theater, they'd better remember to bring a box of tissues. Not that Hijiri was complaining about Tsuzuki's lack of seriousness.  
  
"Great! See, I can cook too you know," Tsuzuki happily exclaimed. Both of the boys sighed. "Well, what else are you waiting for? Finish your lunch!" Hisoka and Hijiri sweatdropped. 'Not again,' both of them thought. Whatever the consequences is, they'll have to get through it. Reluctantly, both the boys began filling their stomach with the food. Tsuzuki's eyes shone as he thought they liked it. Minutes later, the boys were soon trying to gulp their lunch down, hoping againts hope that they won't have to bring it out of their system. Tsuzuki had already prepared them orange juice. Hijiri and Hisoka grabbed it thankfully and began drinking it mimicking a man in a desert. "So, how did it taste?" Tsuzuki asked again hopefully. Hijiri took a glance at Hisoka, seeing what he would do next. "You put salt a little too much, but it's okay," Hisoka spoke smoothly. Tsuzuki pouted. "But, it's delicious never the less, Tsuzuki," Hijiri voiced out. Tsuzuki turned into his puppy form and his smile grew wide, tail wagging here and there. Hijiri couldn't help it as he saw the cute puppy. He pinched both of Tsuzuki's cheek, "Kawaii!". Tsuzuki's paw tried to pry the hands away from his already red cheeks.  
  
"Well, let's get this cleaned up then," Hisoka stood up and began cleaning up the dishes on the table. Hijiri followed suit. "Oh, Tsuzuki, since you cooked lunch for us, maybe you can go outside and have a nice rest, then?" the puppied Tsuzuki nodded happily and bounced into the living room. The both of them could hear voices of the television being turned out loud. It didn't matter anyway, there aren't any close neighbours. Relief that Tsuzuki is out of sight and out of hearing range, "Gosh! Someone really really need to teach Tsuzuki cooking!" Hijiri exclaimed. Hisoka simply nodded. He picked up his dishes together with Hijiri's and dumped it in the sink. Hijiri in turn, washed them and lather them. Hisoka rinse the lather off. Finish the task, both of them sighed again, not really liking to do the washing. Then they remembered about Tsuzuki in the living room. The blonde haired boy together with the brunette stride towards where their amethyst eyed friend is. They spent their entire day chatting and laughing with each other, and since Hisoka won over their little competition, he wasn't in a bad mood anymore.  
  
  
(Authur's note: Okay, I gotta make this clear for 'ya all who had been confused with my fic.   
1. Hisoka & Tsuzuki aren't shinigamis. They're human beings with some magic.. I won't spoil you.  
2. Hisoka, Tsuzuki, Hijiri lives in the same house coz, err.. I made it that way, they're best friends anyway.  
3. This fic is totally AU, but some of it for example the past is still the same.   
Wakatte? R&R please and any questions or ideas or anything are welcome. Flames will be ignored, although I will hurt.. Enjoy the fic!!) 


	3. The Unexpected

Tittle: Remember me wholy  
Authur: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Rating: PG13  
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM, I just borrowed them for a while, is it okay?  
Summery: You can't forget the past but don't let it control your future.  
  
  
  
Chapter 3 The unexpected  
The next day, Hijiiri woke up with a large yawn. He stretched his arms high up as if wanting to touch the ceiling. His legs kicked out and he flexed his knuckles one by one. He gave out another big yawn, jumped out of bed and opened the curtains. His sight was greeted with blooming sakura trees and birds chirping happily outside. "Ohayo gozaimasu!" the dark haired boy greeted silently. He stretched again and walked to the bathroom, doing his daily shower before school. While Hijiri was enjoying his shower, Tsuzuki was startled out of his sleep to hear the always annoying ring of the alarm, waking up the shonen. He tried to block the sound out by covering his whole head with the pillow, the only shield he could use againts the loud sound.  
  
The violet-eyed shonen drifted back to sleep for a good 5 minutes, dreaming of flying in space with cookies as the planet, sweets as the stars, and just cream cakes everywhere. Tsuzuki flew again happily and was about to snatch a planet when he was awoken again rudely to the sound of his door being thrown open. He jumped a little but chose to ignore it and kept the pillow in place. Then he heard the stomping of a person's foot and a loud voice, "Tsuzuki! Wake up you lazy bum!" Hisoka yelled. 'Not him!' his mind whispered. He knew that once Hisoka had invaded into his room to wake him up, he would never leave once he surrender and wake up.  
  
So reluctantly, he removed the pillow from his face to stare right into his friend's bright green eyes. "I'm up, see?" Hisoka glared. "You're gonna be late for one of your many part-time jobs!" he complained. "Eh?" A confused Tsuzuki glanced at the clock. He then leapt out of bed. "Hey! That clock is wrong! I thought it was just 6.30!" he complained to no one in particular. "You have to use your brain once in a while Tsuzuki, you set your alarm at 7.25," he explained. A silent 'oh' came from Tsuzuki's mouth. "Na.. Soka-chan, I used my brain everyday you know," Tsuzuki tried to proof that he didn't come from the land of bakas, his puppy form already out. "Ch'!" was all Hisoka said. "Anyway, get up! You're already late!" he finally said and walked out of the room.   
  
Tsuzuki sighed. He wished he could get at least one or two or three days off from his part-time jobs. It wasn't fair. He's working for gods only knows how many jobs while his friends get their allowance money to survive every months from their parents. He would have to rely on himself if he should survive. He wished he wasn't working but schooling just like his friends are. Working sux and he really really wished his parents would give him money every month just like Hisoka and Hijiri.  
  
But he realised that he's already 26 and 26 year olds won't be accepted in school. That was a funny thought and Tsuzuki smiled to himself. He tried to find a proper job but he wasn't good in anything but eating. And sleeping so to add. He loved to do gardening too but since he was pinned with his jobs, he had absolutely no chance to do so. He could only do simple ones. He glanced at the fic again and realised it's already 7.40. He decided that it was already late to do a full shower so he chose to just wash his face and brush his teeth. He did a quick combing, put on his favourite black t-shirt and blue jeans. He walked down the staircase and checked his schedule. "Yosh!" he whispered to himself. Today's work is waiter for the mornings and the evenings are as a cashier. He checked his wrist watch and it was ticking close to 8. 'Ee.. better go now, before Boss fire me,' with that in thought, he hurried outside and took the bus towards Sajiu Restaurant where he had been working for a long time now.   
  
Meanwhile in school, Seiichiro sensei, the teacher who tought the whole class maths was explaining basics to the students. Hisoka was hardworking, trying to figure out the answer. The question was a stranger to him. While Hijiri was feining interest but in truth, he was just staring blankly at his book. His pencil tapping slightly on the desk, and sometimes he would spin it around on his fingers. Then his gaze flicked towards sensei. He could see his mouth moving and his hands were holding a pointer which he would sometimes hit it on the black board, but he could hear no voice from his sensei. He glanced at Hisoka again beside him. He was concentrating on the question, his brow was twitch in a frown, a proof that he was close to exploding, what with all those impossible questions. He looked down at his own book again, the numbers and alphabets on the page were dancing in front of his eyes, mocking him for lacking the brains to answer.  
  
Hijiri rubbed his eyes. 'I must be close to being insane,' his mind whispered. He stared at his book again, thankfully, the alphabets and numbers had settled down quietly, no dancing weirdos anymore. He tried doing question number one. 'Slowly, and the questions will eventually work out,' he thought silently. His hands slowly guiding the pencil, doing step-by-step. The answer that came out however was ridiculous. He knew it was. He gave out a cry. "K'so!" And the next second, everyone was staring at him. Hijiri sweatdropped. "Is there anything wrong, Minase-san?" sensei asked. Hijiri shook his head quickly, almost causing him headaches. "Do you want my help?" sensei asked again. "Eto.. no thanks, sensei," he said softly, his cheeks turning slightly red from the unwanted attention. He could see from the corner of his eyes that Hisoka was starring at him, and then concentrated back to his task.   
  
Hijiri wanted so much to bang his head on the hard desk. He couldn't wait for the bell to ring. He was tired of Maths class and he wanted to go to his Music class as soon as possible. The only comfort he would find was from his violin. He couldn't wait to put his hands on his violin and play it to his heart's content. But first, he had to get through Maths' hell. So he feint interest again and just stared at the page, his hands unconsiously drawing circles, triangles and other geometric shapes on his book. Finally, the dreading moment that he'd been waiting for had came. After his Music class, then, he'd be going home. As Hisoka doesn't have any after school activities, he planned on going home and having a nice peaceful sleep.   
  
"Na.. 'Soka-chan, are you going home already?" Hijiri asked. Hisoka simply nodded. "Well, take care, ja ne!" Hijiri bid. "Ja.." the blonde haired boy replied and began walking out of Tomoatsu High. Hijiri brought along his violin and walked towards his classroom. The teacher, Hakushaku sensei gave a speech about a concert at the end of this month. "Alright kids, those who wanted to participate, please come to the front and record your name down, it's a concert for charity," the teacher added. Hijiri was the first to stand up and went to the front. Only a certain of them was interested. Hijiri wrote his name down on the piece of paper and went back to his seat. 'A concert, great!' he thought. He loved playing his violin and he'd do anything to let people know that he's good at it. The lesson flowed swiftly and the next thing he knew, the bell rang, letting the student know that it was time to home. 'Well, looks like I have to go home all alone,' he thought before he went out of class to locate his bike.  
  
He climbed on his bike and began the journey home. Even before he got halfway through, he saw three figures, big figures ahead, blocking his way. He couldn't see their faces but he was worried. So his cycling slowed down, untill he could see who they are. His heart skipped a beat and his cycling came to a stop. Yamazaki-kun and his gang! The bullies! 'I'm dead, I'm certain I'm gonna be dead,' his mind whispered. He was about to turn back to the other street but found that the other path was blocked too. Now, there was four of them! His heart began thumping loud in his chest, as if there was a trapped bird trying to get out of his ribcage. The four figures began moving closer, closing in on him. He gave out a yelp of surprise as one of them grabbed him by the collar and shoved him againts the cement wall. His bike was left alone to fall to the ground. He muttered a quick prayer. "Well, well, I didn't know out victim will be you, Minase-san," the one holding him againts the wall, he recognized as Yamazaki spoke. He didn't have a chance to yell for help before the first blow was delivered to his face, knocking him off his feet and he fell to the ground, as Yamazaki let his grip go.  
  
Hijiri wiped the blood that was oozing out his nose with the back of his hand. 'Oh gods, 'Soka-chan, Tsuzuki, help me!' he muttered in his heart. He could hear the steps of his violater coming close and he shut his eyes tight.   
  
End of chapter 3.   
(Authur's note: *Wide eyed* I can't believe I put that in, and anyway, I hope you guys are prepared for the next chapter. Sorry it's so short. If there's any mistakes or questions, please feel free to ask. R&R are welcome, comments are welcome, ideas are welcome, flames are ignore! Ja.. minna) 


	4. Don't be afraid

Tittle: Remember me Wholy  
Authur: Silver-Winger-Angel  
Rating: R?  
Disclaimer: I dun own Yami no Matsuei okay? Dun sue me..  
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you... (This fic is AU)  
  
  
Chapter 4 Don't be afraid  
  
Hisoka sighed again. "Where on earth is he?" he questioned out loud. A glance at the clock proved that Hijiri was in fact coming home pretty late. "Maybe he got lost or something," Tsuzuki tried to reason. He tried to believe it but something was making his heart ache. He knew something was very wrong but he refused to believe it. 'Hijiri-kun, please be okay,' he prayed silently. His heart began thumping faster and harder every second. Something's wrong!  
  
"Tsuzuki, do you think we should go find him?" a not very common question from Hisoka. He often worried but seldom shows it to people. Not that he never show his emotions to people, that would be a freak but, Hisoka's diffrent. He'll only show them to people he really trusts. The people he trusts won't make fun of him. They wouldn't think his emotions were out of question. He sometimes kept it bottled up inside his heart and never let anyone know.   
  
Like the time when a certain doctor who looks like an angel, but to Hisoka himself, he was a devil in disguised. He could still remember every single details of that night. Every single pain that the doctor caused. He wanted to forget, he begged, pleaded to forget his past' experience, but the curse marks across his body would remind him of that fateful day. The day he shouldn't go out. The day he shouldn't have gone to that place full of sakura trees blooming. The day he shouldn't witness the murder of the woman. The day he should have run when he sensed something was wrong. But, no, he was captured, tortured, used, cursed and untill now, the curse marks he still have would make him whimper out in the nights. And at that time, when that psycho doctor violated him, he felt a strange sensation on his back, just between his shoulder blades. It was as if something was straining to come out through his back. But he presumed it was just his imagination.   
  
He never let anyone know about the encounter he had with the maniacal doctor. He would never let anyone know about the curse marks. He really wanted them to know, he wanted to find comfort in them when the pain would come but he never dared to tell either of his friends. Not that he didn't trust them, he does, he just couldn't find the right words to put in. What if he messed up? Hisoka couldn't imagine how his life could be. He wondered if one day, the curse would kill him. He tried not to think about it, although he couldn't help but wonder when all this pain would end. /End/ meant everything. When would his life end, when would this unwanted pain end. It has been over three years but still, the pain seemed as fresh as ever, and would never lessen.  
  
"'Soka, 'soka!" he was startled out from his thoughts. "Are you alright?" Tsuzuki asked. Then he realised his hands were shaking. He clasped it together, trying to stop the shivering, and his whole body felt so cold. He could feel the dull pain on his body. He would get that everytime he thought about that night. That bloody night he should've just stayed at home. Hisoka nodded quickly. "Tsuzuki, we should go find Hijiri, I.. I'm worried," he whispered the last part out. Tsuzuki just smiled warmly. He wouldn't get that look or catch Hisoka say those words everyday. "Let's go then," Hisoka and his amethyst eyed friend took their coats (it's already almost 6.00pm) walked out and set out to search for their friend. They traced their way to Tomoatsu High and checked each street to make sure their friend wasn't lost.  
  
****  
  
Hijiri tried to get up to his feet but a rough kick to his abdomen knocked the air out of his lungs. That caused him to fall back to the ground with a loud thud, trying to catch his breath.   
  
"You know, we don't hold a grudge againts you Minase-san, but we're quite pissed off right now, and we're taking out anger out at the first unfortunate victim we found, and that's you, so you should feel honoured, or else, just be our punch bag for a while," the leader add with a snicker. That said, a series of hard kicks came and he curled up into a fetal position, trying to block it all out. The kicks came from all sides and he could already feel some of his ribs were cracked and worse, broken. "Stop, please," he tried pleading. His pleadings didn't work but instead the kicks got rougher and harder.   
  
"Stop? We haven't even begun yet, that was just the beginning's intro, now we're about to get into the main course, are you ready? I guess not, but we don't care anyway," one of the gang member said. Then suddenly, someone delivered a hard kick to his back, and at the same time, a kick was given to his stomach. Hijiri cried out in pain and his vision began to waver a little and it went all fuzzy. He wasn't quite sure if he could survive tonight. Those bloody bastard of a bullies had beaten him up for god only knows how many hours. At that moment, he could sense someone coming.   
  
"Yamete!!" the voice was familiar, but to his hazy mind, he didn't care, as long as the beatings stop. He turned towards the source of the voice. In his blurry and bloody eyes, he could see a familiar blond head and a brunette close behind. And to his horror, the figure of the blond began glowing so bright that he had to shut his eyes. He could feel the light slowly fading and carefully he slit open one eye, and then the other. The blond's figure was a little diffrent to him. He shook his head and soon realised that the blond had wings!  
  
***  
  
Hisoka kept searching through every streets together with his equally worried friend. Each street he searched and couldn't find his violinist friend, he wasn't sure if he should be relieved or be more worried. He was about to give up when suddenly he heard someone crying out.  
  
Hisoka and Tsuzuki rushed towards a dark and hollow alley. And to their horror of their eyes, they saw the one that they had been dying to look for. "Hijiri!" Both of them cried. The figure the dark haired boy was curled up and about four other figures were beating him. Hisoka lost his control. He wouldn't let anyone hurt his friends. "Yamete!!"   
  
All of a sudden, he could feel that sensation again, on his back, just between his shoulder blades. The sensation he felt tree years ago under the cherry blossom trees. It all came back to him, and without him realising it, his body was engulfed in a bright bluish light. His eyes glowed a brighter colour of green. "TEME!!" the light grew brighter and brighter. Tsuzuki shielded his hands in front of his eyes from the assaulting light. When the light began fading, he stole a glance at his blonde friend. His eyes grew wide at the sight of Hisoka and the sight in front of him. "'Soka, you.. you.. have..." Hisoka suddenly sank to his knees, he felt very exhausted all of a sudden. He began shivering. A chill ran up his spine and he collapsed in his friend's arms, panting hard. "Oh my god.." Tsuzuki took a glance at the bullies in front of him again, they were all unconsious, together with Hijiri.  
  
"'Soka, what's happening, you.. you have.. wings!"   
  
****  
End of chapter 4...  
****  
  
  
(Authur's note: Okay, minna, sorry for the silly plot and it took me quite a while to figure this out... gomen gomen... I know how silly this plot is but i hope you guys will stay tuned... please? I promise more to come... and anyway.. Read and Review please!!! comments, questions are welcome!!! everything will be welcomed except flames... and sankyuu very much for you guys who stuck with me and R&R-ed this story.. arigatou!! okay, ja.. minna!!) 


	5. Please be okay

Tittle: Remember me Wholy  
Authur: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I don't own them... only borrowing him for a while  
Summery: You can't forget the past but don't let it control your future.....  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5 Please be okay  
  
"'Soka, what's happening, you... you have.. wings!"  
  
Hisoka began trembling in Tsuzuki's arms. Tsuzuki watched closely as tears began forming in the blond's eyes. Slowly, bit by bit, the huge silver wings began fading out of existence. Hisoka blinked once, and then twice. "'Soka-chan, daijoubu ka?" Tsuzuki asked impatiently. Hisoka held his head in his hands. "Un," Hisoka forced himself to get up but fell as soon as he straighten his legs. Tsuzuki rushed to catch him before his head hit the hard cement floor.   
  
"'Soka! You shouldn't-" Hisoka cut in before Tsuzuki could say anymore, "I'm alright, Hijiri is the one we should be concerning," Hisoka tried to get up again and succeeded in the task if he hold on to the wall. He walked slowly up to Hijiri's broken form, Tsuzuki following not far behind, taking percaution in case Hisoka would fall.  
  
The duo would have to skip over the bodies of those unconsious one to get to Hijiri. Hisoka knelt down before the out cold body of his friend with Tsuzuki kneeling on the opposite of him. "We should be taking him to the hospital, did you bring your cell phone?" Hisoka inquired. The brunette nodded and fished his phone out of his pocket. He switched on the Nokia branded phone and received a loud beep in return.   
  
"Damn! The battery's flat!" Hisoka sighed. "What should we do then?" Tsuzuki began thinking. No thoughts came to his clouded brain. The alley was dark and the street was probaly deserted. The hospital should be about a couple of blocks from here. "I'll carry him, you lead the way, 'Soka," Tsuzuki explained and that was the time he rarely found his friend serious. Well, Tsuzuki is not a clown but he acted somewhat childish sometimes. And Hisoka would sometimes think that Tsuzuki is an over grown 3 year old.   
  
"'Soka? Soka?!" Tsuzuki waved his hands infront of Hisoka's face, making him snap out of his thoughts. "Uh? Oh! Alright, but what about them?" Hisoka nodded towards the few unconsious forms. "They deserve to stay cold here in the night," Tsuzuki picked up his friend from the ground and carried him on his back. Hisoka shrugged and walked infront and out of the creepy alley. He went through some short cuts and finally reached in front of the 20 stories Hospital building. He checked behind to make sure Tsuzuki was behind before he went through the glass door of the hospital.   
  
Tsuzuki cried out for a doctor to help him. At that time, doctor dressed in all white that was talking to a nurse heard them and strided towards them. Hisoka's eyes bulged as he saw the doctor's appearance. He would never forget that silver hair and those unusual mismatched eyes. Certainly he would never forget the silver eye that glared at him 3 years ago. Those pale features and those gracefulness he held. It was all a disguise, thought Hisoka. Beneath the disguise was a monster, the monster who cursed him and tortured him 3 years ago. The monster who should've hold responsible for the curse marks on his body. The marks that he would no doubt carry for the entire eternity.  
  
Hisoka unconsiously took a step back as the doctor came closer. The doctor smirked as he saw Hisoka. 'I didn't know I would meet you again, boy,' he said silently. Tsuzuki, not noticing the commotion, hurriedly asked. "Doctor, my friend is hurt, please take a look at him," the silver haired man took Hijiri from Tsuzuki's arms and called for a nurse to help. He took the boy for further treatment. A nurse stopped Tsuzuki from following the doctor and asked him to stay for she will be asking some details. Hisoka slumped down on the chair waiting for Tsuzuki to finish any business he had with the nurse. (No, I don't mean it like that,)   
  
He kept starring at the door that the doctor dissappeared to. He was sure, that was the man who made his life a living hell 3 years ago. 'And that man's treating my friend!!! If he should ever hurt Hijiri, I'll deal with him,' he thought. "Yo, 'Soka-chan, are you on eath or are in planet Mars?" Tsuzuki greeted him with a wide grin. In his hands were two paper cups of tea. He handed one to Hisoka and the blond accepted without a word. "Ch' You're worthless, Hijiri's in there and you're here with that lousy attitude of yours," he said as a matter of fact. Tsuzuki, who had already sat down changed into his infamous puppy form. "Na, 'Soka, you're a meany," Hisoka ignored him completely.   
  
"Na.. 'Soka, let's go to the cafeteria!! I'm hungry!" Tsuzuki whined. He hated it when Hisoka goes all quiet. "Go on your own, you're an adult already," Tsuzuki turned on deaf ears. "But, I don't want to, what if someone comes and kidnap me?" steam literally came out of Hisoka's ears. "Tsuzuki-san," the blond boy grabbed the nearest object which is a newspaper and rolled it in his hands, "This is a hospital, with many people around, who the heck is stupid enough to kidnap you, you dimwit!!" he whacked Tsuzuki around the head with it. Tsuzuki in super-deform cried while holding his bruising head.   
  
"Wahh!!! 'Soka, you're mean!!!" large streams of tears sprinkled out. "If I'm mean, then go to the cafetaria alone!!" he grumpily said. Hisoka wasn't even sure why he was such in a bad mood right now. He never meant all those things he said but Tsuzuki can be a burden sometimes, for a 26 year old. Where is the Tsuzuki he saw in the alley just now?! The serious one, the one with no jokes left in his mind but a straight goal. Well, too serious is.... awkward. But at least Tsuzuki should've acted his age. "'Soka, don't ignore me, I promise it won't take long! I'll take one apple pie and then we'll come back here, I know you're worried about Hijiri-kun, but if you're too worried, you'll get sick," Hisoka sighed. It'll be a fruitless battle.   
  
"Hai, hai!! Just grab one and leave!!" Hisoka abruptly stood up with an excited Tsuzuki by his side. The duo headed towards the cafeteria and Tsuzuki rushed towards the counter, his eyes turned into a heart shape. "Waiii!!! Lots of cakes!!" Hisoka waited impatiently outside the crowd. He hated crowds so he tried avoiding them. After several minutes of waiting, Tsuzuki finally came out of the crowd. In his arms were bags of sweet cakes. Hisoka rolled his eyes. That guy sure have a sweet tooth!! They began heading back to wherever they came from. Of course, the ward. "'Soka-chan, look what I've got, I brought these for you too," Tsuzuki held out a packet of cookies. "I know you don't like sweets so I bought you cookies!!" Hisoka stared at Tsuzuki. 'Well, at least it's not sugary, eating a little won't hurt," Hisoka took the pack and muttered a thank you.   
  
They strolled back to the ward and saw the doctor whom was treating Hijiri sitting on the bench in front of the ward. Hisoka's step was slower and he trailed behind his amethyst eyed friend. Apparently, Tsuzuki didn't notice it. "Eh? Sensei? Finish already?" Sensei glance at his watch. "Ahh, I've just finished treating your friend there," Tsuzuki's eyes turned all bright and shiny. "Eh? Hontou? How is he?" Sensei narrowed his eye. (a/n: the other eye is covered with his hair, ne?) Is this really the man who had called him and asked for his help? he thought. Hisoka who had been at Tsuzuki's back stood next to him, careful not to get too close to the disguised demon.  
  
He was nervous, facing his most hated enemy, but he have to know Hijiri's condition. 'Endure it for a while, just for a while,' he thought as he felt the curse mark on his body began burning slightly. "I'm sorry for being rude, allow me to introduce myself," Hisoka unconsiously clutched on Tsuzuki's coat with his left hand. 'It hurts, it hurts, I don't wanna be here, I don't wanna,' Tsuzuki glanced worriedly at his friend. "My name is Kazutaka Muraki,"   
  
end of chapter 5  
  
(Authur's note: Ahhh!!!! I'm sorry for taking sooo long to finish this, but I've got very little influence since only 3 of you reviewed my fic!!! Wahhh!!! Anyway, gomen for taking so long, I didn't mean it!!! Don't sue me please!!! Anyway, comments, ideas, reviews, are welcomed. And to free4ever, actually it's Hisoka has angel's wings... it's silver, not black like Sagaatanasu Tsuzuki.. jaa... minna!!!) 


	6. Don't Worry

Title: Remember me Wholly  
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...  
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R  
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...  
  
  
  
Chapter 6 Don't Worry  
  
"My name is Kazutaka Muraki," said the doctor, a slight smile playing on his lips, maybe a smirk. He glance at the boy, his eyes was dazed. "'Soka, are you alright?" Tsuzuki was worried. Hisoka's vision wasn't concentrated. "Sensei, maybe you should take a look at him," Tsuzuki voiced out his worries. A smile still on his lips, Muraki moved closer to the Hisoka. Alerted, Hisoka took a step back. "No, don't come closer," the blond clutched his head as memories from 3 years ago slammed into his brain.   
  
"'Soka, what's wrong?" Tsuzuki moved to put his hand on Hisoka's shoulder and to his shock the boy pushed Tsuzuki away. His face was pale and his eyes shut slowly as he fell backward. "Hisoka!" Tsuzuki rushed to catch him but he was too late and the blond head hit the hard floor with a thud. Tsuzuki gasped as Hisoka's form turned lifeless on the ground. The amethyst eyed ran to his friend's side. "'Soka, Hisoka!!" Soon Muraki knelt down and picked up the boy in his arms. "I'll take a look at him, I'm afraid you'll have to wait outside," the doctor said as he went in the ward, without Tsuzuki realizing that none of the nurse followed him in to help. Tsuzuki sat on the bench and suddenly remembered about Hijiri.   
  
'I wasn't told yet about Hijiri's condition, and now Hisoka's sick, what's going on here?' he thought. His mind was confused. 'Is there something Hisoka's not telling me? But why would he keep a secret from me anyway, I'm his friend, ne?' he thought again. 'Or, am I?' Tsuzuki shook his head. 'NO!! Of course he's my friend and I'm his friend,' his thoughts were swimming in a whirlpool. Another part of his brain reminded him of all those things Hisoka said to him. 'That's not true, he never meant it, he's just in a bad mood,' he denied again. Then something snapped in his thoughts. 'Oh hell, am I talking to my brain?'   
  
In the hospital ward, Muraki placed the unconscious form of Hisoka onto the white sheet bed. "I never even thought I would see you again, boy," he whispered softly as he slowly unbuttoned Hisoka's shirt. "All of my curse victims dies after 3 years," The doctor spread it wide and smirked at the glowing curse marks on his chest and arms. "Maybe your time will come any moment right now," He traced his index finger to the lines of the marks on the boy's chest. Hisoka began stirring and whimpering softly. His eyes fluttered open, and the blonde boy had the shock of his life. The doctor smirked as Hisoka's eyes revealed fear.   
  
"Well boy, you're awake," Hisoka retreated back as Muraki's hands reached out. "Where's Tsuzuki," the blond hissed. Sensei frowned. "Oh, you mean that handsome young man out there? Hmm.. he's quite cute you know, you sure have tastes, that boy you admitted here too, Hijiri, ne? Is he your twin?" the smirk came back as Hisoka glared. "You try to hurt them and-" he was stopped mid-sentence as the sadistic doctor forced him down on the bed. "What? What are /you/ going to do, little boy?" sarcasm was visible in his tone. "Remember, you have no right to talk like that, 'cause I'm the one controlling you," Hisoka cried out suddenly. The curse marks searing on his skin.   
  
Hisoka wrapped his arms around himself, trying to stop the pain. "No, please stop," In an instant the pain was gone. Hisoka sighed in relief. "See? I have control over you, boy, you're just a puppet to me, I am the one possessing the strings," Hisoka shut his eyes tight, refusing to believe this doctor. "Hmm, are you scared now, boy?" Muraki raised an eyebrow. Hisoka remained quiet, his eyes opened but glancing towards the ceiling. "Well, not much to do here, repeating what I did 3 years ago is a bad idea, your friend might hear your… cries of pleasure…" Hisoka snapped and made to lunge forward and punch the silly smirk out of his face but a hand caught his wrist before further harm were done.  
  
Both of his wrists were caught and pinned above his head. Muraki admired the view of naked torso completely for him. The panting chest marked with red writings rising and falling. "Let me go! Bastard!" Hisoka struggled. He was about to scream for Tsuzuki to help but a hand clamped on his mouth, muffling his voice. "You're a bad boy, Hi… so… ka…" The doctor dragged each syllable out, just for the sake of teasing. "I assume this… Tsuzuki haven't known yet of our… lustful encounter… am I right?" Hisoka kept quiet, and suddenly the marks on his body began making trouble. Whimpering softly, Hisoka simply nodded and the pain dissappeared.   
  
The doctor let the trembling boy go and Hisoka quickly did up all the buttons of his shirt. "I shouldn't do much damage on you, or else that friend of yours will know," Hisoka sighed in relief. "Saa.. he's probably waiting, don't want him to get suspicious now, do we?" Hisoka was dragged out of the bed and pushed through the door. Once outside, the doctor played innocent and became gentle towards the boy. "Eh, sensei, what's wrong with my friend?" Tsuzuki immediately asked as soon as they came out.  
  
"Ah, he was just exhausted, with the lack of energy, that's why he collapsed," Muraki explained. Tsuzuki nodded and Hisoka went to his friend's side, inching himself away from his tormentor. "So, what about Hijiri?" Tsuzuki asked again. Muraki checked the clipboard that he held to his chest. "I think we should be checking on Minase-san, I'll explain once we're there," Tsuzuki nodded again and followed the doctor who was leading them towards Hijiri's room. Hisoka trailing not far behind. Finally after walking through wide hallways, they reached a ward labeled 304. Muraki led them inside and they were greeted with a sight neither of them would forget.  
  
Inside, Hijiri was laid on the bed, still unconscious. Tubes and hoses were criss-crossing his body. Some of the hoses were even poked in his arms, draining the IV water from the pack through Hijiri's body. Hijiri's body was pale all over and some bruises marked his face. Hisoka's fist clenched itself. 'Those bullies, dared to hurt my friend!' his mind screamed.   
  
"As you can see, Minase-san is still unconscious, his spleen was slightly damaged but we managed to fix it, he suffered 3 broken ribs which miraculously didn't hit any vital organs, we gave him some painkillers and he should be unconscious for a few hours, when he wakes up, someone familiar should be by his side because, his head might have suffered concussion and memory block could be expected, if not, then he'll be alright, since his body is still young, he should heal quickly," Muraki explained. Tsuzuki nodded again. "Well, I should be leaving now, if there's any problem just press the button over there," he pointed towards a red buzzer beside the bed. "A nurse will come and check," Tsuzuki nodded again. "Jaa.." and he walked out.  
  
Tsuzuki and Hisoka sat down by the bed, opposite of each other, in silence. Only the beeping of the machine making the noise. "So, what should we do? Should we tell his parents?" Hisoka asked, to break the uncomfortable silence. Tsuzuki thought for a while. "Maybe we shouldn't, I know it's selfish but, his parents would be so worried and Hijiri would be taken away, you know them, over-protective over him," Tsuzuki reasoned out. Hisoka sighed. Problems are just gifts to his life.   
  
They sat there for another while, Tsuzuki softly stroking Hijiri's hair while Hisoka was deep in thought, his hand unconsciously placed on Hijiri's. He still couldn't believe that he had met the man whom had tortured him and took something really precious to him, something that he would never get back, even if he killed that man. He would never get back his virginity. And after that encounter a while ago, he felt slightly dirty. Who knows what the maniacal doctor done to him while he was unconscious? His shirt was unbuttoned, that wasn't a relief at all.   
  
He was disgusted at himself. How could he let the memories of the past haunt him while the doctor was close by. He should've controlled his mind, not let it be invaded by those memories. He thought that by having Tsuzuki close by, he would be all right. But he was wrong. That doctor has the brains but he himself doesn't. 'Remember, you have no right to talk like that, 'cause I'm the one controlling you,' the doctor's words came to his head. 'I have control over you, boy, you're just a puppet to me, I am the one possessing the strings,' Hisoka shook his head, trying to will the voice away. A headache appearing and Hisoka gave out a pained moan, involuntarily.   
  
"'Soka? Daijoubu ka?" Tsuzuki worriedly asked. Hisoka looked up and realised that he had let out that sound. "Ah, daijoubu," he reassured. Tsuzuki wasn't convinced. "Maybe you should go home and rest, you fainted just now," Hisoka shook his head. "I'm fine, don't worry," Then a thought came through Tsuzuki's head. "Hisoka," Tsuzuki started. The blond boy swallowed an imaginary lump in his throat. He knew what Tsuzuki's gonna ask. "Is… is there anything… you're not telling me?" was the question.   
  
Hisoka bowed his head, just gazing at Hijiri's lifeless hand, stroking it a little. "Wh… what do you mean?" Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed. There is definitely something Hisoka's not telling him. "Well, how do I say this, you… you seem… terrified of Muraki sensei," Tsuzuki watched Hisoka's reaction. "What's going on?"  
  
End of Chapter 6..  
  
(A/N: Ahh... a relief, I've finished this chapter, and I've been hoping for a long time now, that everyone would R&R.. *sigh* well at least someone is enjoying my fic... anyway... that's it guys!! chapter 7 will be coming soon... (to free4ever: Actually, you'll have to guess the pairings, b'coz it's a secret... and it will be a BIG surprise, something that you wouldn't thought it would be, hehe...) R&R please...) 


	7. Lost and Found

Title: Remember me Wholly  
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...  
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R  
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...  
  
  
  
Chapter 7 Lost and Found  
  
Hisoka kept quiet, he didn't know how to answer the question. "'Soka-chan, tell me please, don't you trust me as your friend?" Hisoka felt guilty. Guilty for not telling his best friend about it for a long time. Guilty for not trusting them. And guilty for doubting his friends.   
  
"Hisoka?" Hisoka looked up and a few tears made its way down his cheeks. Tsuzuki's eyes softened and he leaned over to gently wipe the tears away with his thumb. A slight blush colored his face. Hisoka leaned his face towards the hand. "Tsuzuki, I don't know how to say it," a soft whisper from Hisoka. This time, it was Tsuzuki's time to feel guilty, 'Maybe I pushed him too far,' he thought. "It's alright, 'Soka-chan, you can tell me any other times,"   
  
"NO! I really want to tell, but I just… I…" More tears fell freely. Tsuzuki stroked Hisoka's cheek with his thumb, at the same time wiping the tears away. Hisoka pulled away and buried his face in his hands, his shoulder shook with the sobs. "Don't worry, Hisoka, I won't force you into telling me anything you don't want to," Tsuzuki was saddened by Hisoka's cries.   
  
Tsuzuki went to Hisoka's side and wrapped his arms around the violently shaking body. His hand went to stroke his soft hair while the other soothes his back. Hisoka buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest, letting all his tears fall, without even fearing that the older man would make fun of him. "Shh… It's okay, it's okay," Tsuzuki whispered.   
  
The sobs were soon disappearing, and Hisoka remained quiet in Tsuzuki's arms, content with the warmth from the other man's body. Tsuzuki glanced down and found that Hisoka had stopped crying. He tightened his hold and a tinge of pink appeared on Hisoka's tear-streaked cheeks. Tsuzuki simply smiled. Hisoka could be so cute sometimes.   
  
Hisoka hesitated as he pulled away. "Tsuzuki, I'm sorry," he quickly wiped the remaining tears away. "It's all right, 'soka-chan, it's okay," hearing Tsuzuki's caring voice, Hisoka broke down again. Tears silently flowing down his cheeks. He wiped it away quickly, irritation expression on his face.   
  
Tsuzuki pulled Hisoka back into his arms. His head buried firmly in Tsuzuki's chest. 'Whatever happened to him must be horrible,' Tsuzuki thought as he held Hisoka in his arms, letting him cry his heart out. "'Soka-chan, will you tell me what happen?" Tsuzuki quietly asked. By that time, Hisoka had already stopped crying. The blonde boy thought for a while.   
  
He was afraid. Afraid that if Tsuzuki knew, Muraki would hurt him. 'Witnesses disappears,' he could remember those words clearly, said when he was trying to escape the death grip of the murderer 3 years ago. And he was afraid Tsuzuki would hate him and began reacting differently over him. He was dirty after all. Dirty from the encounter under the sakura trees and he felt dirty after being toyed just a moment ago.   
  
Hisoka closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Tsuzuki. "What do you think happen to me, Tsuzuki?" he was surprised that question escaped his lips. He didn't even know the point of asking. Tsuzuki glanced down at the form in his arms. "Hisoka?" he asked, confused. The blond boy shook his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Hisoka…" he started, "What happened to you, is it that horrible?" 'Horrible. It's horrible. The most horrible thing ever happened.' he thought.   
  
"Tsuzuki, I… I was…" he tried, but he just couldn't get the word out. He couldn't get that one particular word out. "Go on," Tsuzuki assured. "I… I was… he… he took something… something important and precious from me…" he blurted it out. Tsuzuki tightened his hold. "What? What did he take?" Tears were already forming in Hisoka's eyes. A little part of him regretted telling his friend. And another big part of him wanted to tell him everything and seek comfort in his best friend. "Hisoka?"  
  
"He… he… he robbed me of my… my virginity," Hisoka shut his eyes tight. Expecting a look of disgust from Tsuzuki. Meanwhile, Tsuzuki was lost for words for a while. He wasn't sure if he heard that right. Hisoka was… raped? By that doctor? Hisoka, who was beyond worried, mistakenly took the silence, thinking that Tsuzuki was already disgusted and didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.   
  
Hisoka, with tears streaming down his pale cheeks, pulled away quickly and stood up. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuki, I… I know you're going to… hate me now, but please don't tell Hijiri about this, please," he pleaded. He turned to walk away but suddenly felt a tug on his arm and he turned to look. "Hisoka, I haven't said a word yet," Tsuzuki said and suddenly Hisoka found himself pulled back towards Tsuzuki for a warm embrace on the bench, by Hijiri's bed. He struggled slightly for a moment before surrendering in Tsuzuki's arms. The only place he would find warmth and comfort.   
  
"Tsuzuki, you… you won't hate me?" Tsuzuki smiled. "Nope, I won't hate you, I can't hate you, even if I tried,"  
  
"Demo…" Hisoka was silent as he felt a finger pressed on his lips. A faint color of red decorated his cheeks. Tsuzuki was surprised. He had never seen Hisoka so innocent and vulnerable before. Tsuzuki knew that this wasn't the time to do this but he just couldn't help himself. He removed his finger and replaced it softly with his lips. The kiss wasn't heavy or deep, just a light one.   
  
Hisoka's eyes fluttered closed. He was suddenly beginning to enjoy it but suddenly everything was gone. He gave out a whimper and opened his eyes. Tsuzuki had pulled away, he felt like he was taking advantage of the boy's emotional state. "Tsuzuki? Why did you…" he trailed off, afraid of Tsuzuki's answer. "Hisoka, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry," Hisoka's eyes turned watery again. "No! No… don't say that, it meant something to me, Tsuzuki," Hisoka kept his face down, he knew he was blushing and he was scared, scared of the answer that Hisoka might not want to know.   
  
Suddenly, he felt fingers tilting his chin up, and he met the most beautiful violet eyes ever. The lips landed on his again and this time, Tsuzuki was deepening the kiss. Still sat in Tsuzuki's embrace, Hisoka wrapped his arms around his neck. The newfound couple continued to kiss, unaware of the hurtful expression in the eyes of the form lying on the bed.   
  
End of Chapter 7  
  
(a/n: Sorry it took so long for this one. I literally squeezed my brain on this chapter. I knew it was kind of unexpected but I would really welcome comments, questions, or anything!! Negative comments, positive comments, send them in as long as it's true.. In short, R&R please!! Bye!!) 


	8. Don't you care about me?

Title: Remember me Wholly  
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...  
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R  
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...  
  
  
  
Chapter 8 Don't you care about me?  
  
  
Hijiri who had awoken went unnoticed by the two lovebirds. He had heard everything. Heard everything and saw everything. Tears welled up in his eyes and he suppressed a sob. Tsuzuki was the one he had been longing for a long time now. Tsuzuki was the one he had been trying to tell his feelings to. His feelings of love. But now, his hopes were shattered. Hisoka had received his love first and he wouldn't get the chance again.   
  
He started cursing himself, for being such a fool and not telling Tsuzuki of his feelings earlier. Now, Hisoka was the lucky one. Lucky for having Tsuzuki as someone more than a friend. How could he have been so foolish? Another stream of tears fell and he shut his eyes tight. Afraid that the couple would notice. He would have to let go of Tsuzuki, but his heart wouldn't want to. He wouldn't believe that he lost this chance and be loved.  
  
His head was saying that he would do anything to get Tsuzuki back from Hisoka, but his heart was telling him to let go. Hisoka was his friend and he couldn't… wouldn't hurt him. After hearing the self-confession only a while ago, he felt… sad. Sad about Hisoka's past and he almost felt pity, but he knew Hisoka wouldn't want that. Suddenly, he felt a pain coming up in his ribs and he whimpered. The second he involuntarily let out that sound, he regretted it. No, he was confused, whether to regret it or to be relieved, 'cause, Hisoka wasn't kissing Tsuzuki anymore.  
  
Tsuzuki and Hisoka jumped and broke their kiss, glancing towards Hijiri. Hijiri had already shut his eyes and hoped neither of them noticed. Suddenly, Tsuzuki saw the tears, running down Hijiri's face. The couple broke apart and Tsuzuki stood up, and walked towards Hijiri's bedside. He stroked his cheek. "Hijiri-kun," he whispered. Hijiri couldn't help but lean towards the hand. He finally gave in and opened his eyes. The green orbs were watery, filled with tears.  
  
"Hijiri, are you okay? Are you hurting?" concern visible in Tsuzuki's tone. Not wanting to be thought a resistance between the two lovebirds, Hijiri simply shook his head and turned to his side, as much as the tubes would allow him. He turned away from two of his friends, one that he had helplessly fallen in love with. He fell deep and fast in love with no one to catch him but the cold hard ground.   
  
Tsuzuki was stuck between two options. Whether to call the doctor or just tend to Hijiri by himself. As Hisoka's confession came into mind, he chose not to call Dr. Muraki but he can't avoid him as long as Hijiri is in this hospital. He could call other doctors, but where would he find one? He doesn't even know where the staff room is, let alone another doctor's office! He could sense Hijiri was in pain, but he simply couldn't call that doctor. He wouldn't even want that sadistic doctor to go any nearer to any of his friends. But as long as he himself was here, there's nothing to worry about. He would stay in the room to watch out for Hijiri as that doctor do a check up. Yoshi! That would be a great idea.  
  
He was about to press the buzzer when his thought came back to Hisoka. Hisoka would be terrified seeing Muraki sensei. He squeezed his brain again, finding an answer. Hisoka could go take a walk while the check up was done, but he wouldn't want him to go out alone. He just wasn't in a right condition to go anywhere alone. Hisoka seemed like a strong-minded person but inside, Tsuzuki knew how scared and vulnerable he was. He glanced down at Hijiri again and noticed that his shoulders were shaking and his hands were covering his face.   
  
Hijiri was crying. Tsuzuki knew it and he assumed it was the pain. His hand trembled as he pressed the buzzer. A couple of moment later Muraki sensei came in and strides towards the trio.   
  
"Ah, I see he's awake," the doctor commented. His gaze settled on Hisoka for a while making the blonde boy turn away, refusing to meet his eyes. It didn't go unnoticed to Tsuzuki and he tried to keep his expressions cool and calm as he spoke, "Sensei, Hijiri-kun seemed to be in pain, please check what's wrong," the doctor's eyes dropped to the boy on the bed.  
  
"Hmm, I'll see what's wrong, but I'll have to ask the both of you to wait outside," he explained and Tsuzuki narrowed his eyes before replying, "No, it's okay, we'll stay here," the doctor nodded. "It's fine then," Tsuzuki went to Hisoka's side and sat, watching the doctor's every move.  
  
The doctor did what every doctor would do. He was so engrossed in his job that he didn't notice Tsuzuki's watchful eyes. Something was injected in Hijiri's arms, drawing a soft whimper from the boy and Tsuzuki for once was suspicious of the syringe's content. The doctor finished his job and turned towards Tsuzuki, whom stood up, not wanting him to be any closer to Hisoka.   
  
"Well, he seems to be quite fine right now, I have given him a painkiller which will ease his discomfort for now and-" the doctor's words were cut in mid-sentence. "For now?! What do you mean?" he asked. "Calm yourself, Tsuzuki-san, the pain killer will last for a few hours and we will see his condition later on, a heavy pain killer will only make him sleepy and would make his muscles stiff," the doctor explains. Tsuzuki nodded, he wasn't good in medical stuff so he have to trust this doctor.   
  
"Ja, I'll be leaving and I'll come back to check on him later," Tsuzuki watched as Muraki sensei walked out the door. He glances at Hijiri whom was staring at the ceiling. He wasn't sedated and was wide-awake but his eyes seemed to be hazy. "Hijiri-kun, are you all right now?" he asked. Hijiri nodded and turned away again, on his side. Tsuzuki sighed. Knowing not a single information about Hijiri's mood right now. He assumed he was too tired to speak.   
  
Tsuzuki went back to sit beside Hisoka, his arm around the blonde's shoulder. Hisoka relaxed in the embrace and laid his head on Tsuzuki's chest. "Tsuzuki?" Hisoka whispered, not turning his head from Tsuzuki's chest. "Hmm?" he hesitated for a while, not sure if he should be asking, but he had to make sure. "Tsuzuki… what do you think of me? What do I mean to you, Tsuzuki," he asked, in a soft whisper.   
  
Tsuzuki glanced down. Hisoka is a little curious sometimes but he never expected Hisoka to be asking these questions. Hisoka's heart was always closed and he never allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of people. But not, Hisoka /was/ vulnerable. Innocent and vulnerable.   
  
"Hisoka, I think of you as someone precious to me, someone I would never let go, someone I love, and you mean the world to me, even the universe, nothing can change my heart again, I've been having these feelings for a long time now, and I won't turn back, my love for you is unbreakable, 'soka-chan, I love you," there, he said it. He succeeded in saying those three little words. Hisoka's eyes watered as he heard Tsuzuki's confession.   
  
  
"Arigatou!! Tsuzuki!!" he snuggled closer in Tsuzuki's arms and began sobbing. Tsuzuki smiled again and pulled Hisoka closer, laying soft kisses on his head, before moving down to his forehead, both of his eyelids, his nose and finally down to his soft lips. Hisoka felt the kiss was sincere, no bluffing, and Hisoka kissed back, wrapping his arms around Tsuzuki's neck. Tsuzuki broke the kiss and whispered in Hisoka's ear, "Ai shite iru, Hisoka," and he leaned down again, taking Hisoka's lips in his for a passionate kiss.  
  
Meanwhile, Hijiri was trying his hard to block out the voices behind him, trying his best to hold his tears. His eyes drifted shut, a silent vow in his heart. "I won't give up on you, Tsuzuki,"  
  
End of Chapter 8  
  
(Author's note: Phew!! Finish that chapter!! So, what do you guys think? Is it nice or is it just crap? hehe,, anyway, R&R please, comments, review, questions, anything, are welcome. And thanks to everyone who had been R&R-ing my fic!! Thanx a million!! You'll never imagine how much you guys mean to me!! Arigatou gozaimasu!!!!!!!!!!!) 


	9. Bitter, Sour and Unpleasant

Title: Remember me Wholly  
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel  
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...  
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R  
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...  
  
  
Chapter 9 Bitter, sour, and unpleasant  
  
At first, he had doubts. Doubts saying that no one would be able to love him after what happened between him and the doctor. His doubts also said that no one would want to be in the same dirt he was in, let alone share. He thought the kiss earlier was just… a comfort to take his mind away from his past. That was why he asked, asked to make sure that his doubts were lying. And Tsuzuki cleared it all, cleared his doubts and everything that seemed unsettled. He even let out those words. The words that he never seemed to be able to say to other people. Not even to his parents.  
  
Parents. He wondered if he ever had one. They never seemed to care when they sent him to live together with Tsuzuki. Well, not that he's complaining, he loved living with Tsuzuki and Hijiri… but the way they discussed about sending him away was… disturbing.   
  
He had awoken late in the night and sneaked downstairs to drink a cup of cold water. He saw the light in the living room still turned on so he sat on the staircase and peeked into the living room.  
  
Sitting on a large sofa was his mother and father both of them were talking. Hisoka, who was only thirteen that time, strained his ears and listened quietly. "We have to get rid of him, Nagare, I can't stand being close to him, I felt something different from him, he's not human, he's a monster!" Hisoka was confused at first and his heart clenched tightly at the chosen words of his mother. "I know, Rui-san, but we need someone to be the next leader of this family," Another tight clench and Hisoka fisted his hands in front of his chest, the pain almost physical. All they thought of him was just another someone… they never thought of him as a son. "I can give you another baby, Nagare, but we have to get rid of that brat as soon as possible, I just don't want him to be near me anymore, he's inhuman, that boy brings bad luck!"  
  
A tear sprang to Hisoka's eyes, followed by a stream that flowed freely down his pale cheeks. "Now, now, Rui-san, we'll think of some way easier," Rui shook his head. "NO! We must do it as soon as possible, that child will be a disaster to us, we must eliminate him right now, Nagare-san," Hisoka clamped his mouth with his hands, muffling the sounds of his sobs. 'No, mama, papa, why?' he thought as they continued the conversations. "Alright now, Rui-san, we'll send him to Asato's place, he seems quite kind to our family, maybe he'll take Hisoka in," Nagare started. "But, what should we say to him?" he asked. "I don't care, I don't care about his feelings! He doesn't have feelings anyway, just dump him there and leave! Leave him for all I care!" Rui almost yelled.  
  
"Alright, now, I'll think of something, and tomorrow morning, we'll take Hisoka to Asato's place," he continued. "Now, Rui-san, you need to go to sleep," he said softly. Hisoka couldn't hold his sobs any longer and sneaked towards the kitchen and out of the back door. Once outside, he let his emotions take control of his body. He ran, ran as fast and as far as he could. Still sobbing, Hisoka found himself in a park with cherry blossoms blooming, and the moon was an unusual red color. Red as blood. Although unusual but he found it rather interesting. 'Beautiful,' he thought.   
  
Suddenly, he heard a loud piercing scream. The scream lasted for a while before suddenly dying out, just like that. Hisoka turned towards the voice and his eyes widen at the sight that greeted his eyes. A man dressed all in white was smirking down to a woman, whose eyes were wide, almost coming out of her sockets. Hisoka knew she was dead; her face was so pale that it scared him. A severed hand lay on the ground, right next to the man's feet. Blood were everywhere on the ground but none on the man's white clothing. Hisoka took a step backward, terrified by the scene, and he accidentally stepped onto a twig, which made a loud breaking noise.   
  
The man looked up and saw Hisoka. He smirked and Hisoka was about to run but he felt a large hand grabbing his arm. The man turned him around to face him and smirked again as looked the boy up and down. "NO! Let me go, please," he begged. The man grabbed both of his arms as Hisoka tried to escape. He was beyond terrified at that moment. All rational thoughts left and all he could think of was just escape and run away. "A-ah, you saw something you shouldn't, boy, witnesses should disappear," he whispered in the struggling boy's ears.  
  
The man dragged Hisoka down and pushed him on the ground. He stripped the struggling boy of his robes and produced a rope to tie the boy's hands above his head. Tears welled up in Hisoka's eyes as the man began a silent chant. And the next thing he knew, he was arching his back in agony, something searing on his skin as the man traced his finger all over Hisoka's chest, back and arms. He begged for the man to stop but was ignored. His screams of agony only served the man pleasure of doing it. Suddenly, he felt a strange sensation on his back, just between his shoulder blades, like something would burst out of it. Hisoka bit down on his lower lip, hoping the pain would go and the strange feelings between his shoulder blades would disappear.  
  
He tried to break free of his bonds but failed miserably. He couldn't think anymore, the pain all over controlled his body. Hisoka was puzzled as the man began undressing from the waist down. His legs were pushed up to his chest and the next moment, he was screaming again as the man penetrated him. He felt something inside his soul taken away roughly. The marks on his body glowing bright red. The pain folding from each thrust and finally the man released inside him and pulled away as Hisoka's body lay limp on the ground.  
  
The man began dressing and finally glared at Hisoka. "Don't worry, boy, it won't kill you quickly, killing you immediately would have been an insult to one as beautiful as you, this curse I imprinted on your body will only take your life away after you've suffered enough from the pain," he spoke and was gone after that. Hisoka didn't stop the tears streaming down his face, his skin still pulsing red. He summoned enough strength to get up and find his yukata that his parents always made him wear. After putting it on, he ran as fast as his broken body could carry him towards home. As soon as he arrived, Hisoka rushed up stairs and into his room where he cried buckets of tears.  
  
The next morning, Hisoka woke up to his father knocking on his door. "Hisoka! Open up!" he tried to get up and flinched as his body disobeyed him and only sent him pain. Memories from last night slammed into his head and almost made him wanting to throw up.   
  
The knocking came again and he forced himself to stand up and walk towards the door. Opening the door, his father spoke straight away, "Hisoka, get you things packed right now," then he remembered another last night's discussion between his parents. They are going to send him away right now, without even a second thought. He feigned innocent. "Why, papa?" he winced as he his throat felt like sandpaper, the result of screaming so much last night. His father sighed. Rui was nowhere in sight. 'That boy brings bad luck,' as Rui had said. "We are sending you to Asato's place, you'll live together with Minase-kun and of course with Asato-san, we are planning to send you to school and Asato-san's place is closest to one of the best school here in Tokyo," his father continued, "That's why we're sending you there, don't worry, we will send you money every month," his father stated.  
  
All the while, Hisoka was staring at the ground, fighting the urge to beg his father not to send him away. A tear escaped one of the green orbs and fell to the carpeted floor. "Hai," he whispered softly. His father nodded and walked out of Hisoka's sight, glad that everything worked out well. But to Hisoka, nothing worked out fine in his life. He felt he deserved to be sent away, but he didn't know if he could settle himself in Tsuzuki's place.  
  
Hisoka closed the door and let the tears flow freely down his face. He cried so much since last night and even spent the night crying and he surprised himself to see more tears coming. He began packing, his vision blurred by the tears, stinging his eyes. By noon, he had all his stuff in his some boxes and bags. He carried everything, one by one, towards the waiting Land Cruiser, all alone. His parents didn't help, just watched. No matter how many times his body protested, he still kept carrying, ignoring the looks from his parents. He could feel the marks on his body beginning to glow and it hurt. He was thankful to wear a long sleeved shirt.  
  
If his parents knew, it's not like they would care anyway. But he could save himself from being called disgusting. He sat quietly in back seat of the vehicle, waiting for them to drive him away. Nagare jumped in and started the engine, his mother was nowhere in sight. Hisoka stared at his home for the last time before the vehicle moved out and drove to Tsuzuki's house. Tears silently went down his cheeks. It was a long journey and tiredness took over his body. His eyes fluttered close as he fell asleep.  
  
His sleep was haunted by his parent's discussion and he woke up with a start. He glanced outside and a beautiful and magnificent house greeted his sight. It wasn't large at all but enough to fit a couple of person. Sakura trees were blooming in the garden, making the view even more breath taking. The car stopped outside the gate and Tsuzuki together with Hijiri were already waiting. Nagare went out and discussed something to Tsuzuki while Hisoka kept himself busy unloading his stuff from the car. Hijiri went over to help him and Hisoka gladly accepted.   
  
A few hours later, everything was loaded up into an empty room, reserved just for Hisoka. Nagare drove away as soon as he'd finished talking to Tsuzuki, not bothering to help.   
  
That night, Hisoka was left alone in his room, clutching his head as his mothers voice pierced through his mind. 'He's a monster, he's inhuman, he brings bad luck, and we have to get rid of him!' Hisoka's hands went to his ears, trying to block the voices. 'I just don't want him to be near me anymore,' Hisoka whimpered, tears spilling. 'That child will be a disaster to us, we must eliminate him right now,' Mama, papa, why can't you love me? he thought as another painful voice came. 'I don't care; I don't care about his feelings! He doesn't have feelings anyway, just dump him there and leave! Leave him for all I care!'   
  
Hisoka cried out suddenly and the next thing he knew, he was wrapped in strong arms. Disoriented, he glanced around the room and found Hijiri on white sheet bed. 'This must be the hospital,' he thought. He looked up and saw Tsuzuki's face above him, concern written all over his featured. "Hisoka? Daijoubu ka?" he asked. Hisoka's eyes turned glassy and he buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest. "NO!! I'm not alright, Tsuzuki!" The concern in Tsuzuki's face grew serious. "'Soka-chan? What's wrong? Tell me!" Hisoka kept crying and said something, but his shirt muffled his voice.   
  
Tsuzuki sighed and unwrap his arms, which were wound up around Hisoka's body to place on his shoulder. Hisoka starred at Tsuzuki with green glassy orbs. "I just… I had a nightmare and I don't like it at all," he buried his face in the junction on Tsuzuki's neck and shoulder. Out of comforting words to say, Tsuzuki simply stroked his back, trying to calm his terrified love.   
  
He decided on one way that would comfort him. "/Hush now, don't you cry/" Tsuzuki began singing, his voice a little unsure at first. "/There'd be a better day, I promise you/" his voice gained confidence and Hisoka's sobbing stopped. "/We can work it out/" Hisoka listened to the words closely, loving Tsuzuki's voice all the same. "/If only you would let me know, what's on your mind/" Hisoka began recognizing the song. "/Baby, you know it'd last forever, through any kind of weather,/" Tsuzuki continued. "/But someday, you will find what you're searching for,/" Hisoka smiled a little; Tsuzuki sure knows how to soothe people. "/Try again, never stop believing,/" Hisoka felt himself lulled to sleep by Tsuzuki's voice. "/Try again, don't give up on your love,/" Hisoka's eyes fluttered close as sleep overcome him. "/Stumble and fall, is the heart of it all,/" Tsuzuki realized that Hisoka was already breathing steadily, asleep. "/When you fall down, just try again,/" he finished his song. "I love you, Hisoka," he whispered, laying a soft kiss on the top of his head.  
  
End of chapter 9  
  
(Author's note: Gosh!! I've fitted it all in one chapter!! Well guys I hope you like this chapter, this story has a long way to go, so please stay with me. Oh, and the song was sung by… Westlife. I'm a fan of Westlife you know. Well, enough of my ranting. Read and review please and to those who had done that, arigatou!!!!) 


	10. Worse turns to worst

Chapter 10 Worse turns to Worst  
  
A few days passed very slowly and stressful. Hijiri was in a bad mood all week in the hospital. Even worst than Hisoka. He kept complaining about tiny problems such as having not enough soap in the container or there's no boiling water and sometimes he even complains about having not enough clean under wears.   
  
All those anger and complaints were directed straight towards Hisoka who ignored it all. Only Tsuzuki would care and came to assist him in everything Hijiri wants. Hisoka was confused at first, as to why Hijiri was angry at him. When Hijiri's limit break reached maximum, Hisoka was the only one he could release it to. And when Tsuzuki came to help, Hijiri's expressions soften and were quiet all at once.   
  
Finally, Hisoka became stressed and full of tension. Dr. Muraki who came to do daily tests didn't help at all. Every night, Hisoka would be screaming down the hospital building in the throes of nightmares and would wake Hijiri up. Sometimes they even fought with each other, which didn't make Tsuzuki happy at all.   
  
"IYAAA!! TSUZUKI!!!!" Hisoka cried out one night and sat up straight from where he was sleeping on the sofa. Tsuzuki who was fast asleep on a chair was startled but wasn't fully awake. "Huh? Ah? Oh, apple pie, gimme… one…" and he went back to sleep. "Hisoka!! Won't you shut up! I'm trying to get to sleep here!!" Tsuzuki was again startled from his sleep eyes wide open. Hijiri was already sitting up, glaring at Hisoka whose eyes were red and puffy, the result of tears.  
  
Hisoka glared back. "I couldn't hel-" Hijiri cut in before he could finish. "You've been saying that for a hell of a long time!!! If you don't want to have nightmares then go and wash your feet before bed time!!!" Hijiri bit back. The blonde boy was offended to be treated like a child. "Like you haven't had nightmares, you asshole!!" Tsuzuki sighed. 'Here we go again,' Tsuzuki stood up and went over to the table lamp, turning it on, filling the room with orange dimmed light. Both of them were glaring at each other, making sparks appear before them.   
  
"Guys, stop this please," Tsuzuki tiredly spoke up. Having dealt with this a couple of times, Tsuzuki wouldn't want to see them fighting again. All heads turned towards the guy both of them loved, instantly silenced. "You've been fighting for the whole week, I don't want that," he continued, "Hijiri, you have to understand Hisoka's condition, he never asked to have those nightmares, he's been through hard times and you have to know his feelings," Hisoka smiled triumphantly, glad that Tsuzuki was on his side. But Tsuzuki wasn't finished yet.  
  
"And 'soka-chan, you must have patience over Hijiri, his mood is understandable and the least you could do is just calm him down and be there for him," Tsuzuki stated while his hands were massaging his throbbing temple. Hisoka glared again at Hijiri, who shot the same scary look. "He started it first, Tsuzuki," Hisoka stated. Hijiri gasped in disbelief. "No! He was making all those annoying screams! I need my sleep, Tsuzuki," Tsuzuki's temple throbbed again and his vision became hazy.   
  
Tsuzuki swayed a little and Hisoka rushed to Tsuzuki's side, keeping him steady. Hijiri too went to Tsuzuki's other side, holding him up. "Tsuzuki, are you okay?" Both of them asked at the same time. "Ah, I'll be all right if both of you stop fighting," Tsuzuki winced. "Owww… my head hurts," Hisoka pulled Tsuzuki to the sofa he had been sleeping on just a minute ago but Hijiri was pulling him to another sofa across the room. The boys glared again, ignoring a whimpering Tsuzuki. Hijiri tugged at Tsuzuki's arms. "That sofa is better," he said. Hisoka tugged back. "No, that one is nicer," he bit back.   
  
Hijiri growled. "Aa… guys… I'll be alright if you'd just let me rest on the chair I was in just now, okay?" Tsuzuki pulled back both of his arms, which Hijiri and Hisoka let go soon after and the amethyst-eyed migrainned man stumbled on the 2 in 1 chair. Tsuzuki sighed again, holding his hands on his forehead. "Now, boys, go to sleep," Both of them sighed. Hisoka turned off the table lamp and both of them went to sleep.   
  
Hisoka suddenly woke up again a few hours later. He turned his gaze to Tsuzuki, whom he thought was uncomfortable. Hisoka got up and walked up towards the sleeping Tsuzuki. He placed his hands on his shoulders and softly shook him. "Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki, get up," he whispered in his ears, afraid Hijiri would hear them. "Umm, let me sleep," was the mumbled answer he received. "Tsuzuki, sleep on the couch," he whispered again and pulled the reluctant Tsuzuki up. He guided the still half asleep Tsuzuki towards the couch he'd been sleeping on and pushed him down. Dragging his legs up on the soft cushions, Hisoka took the blanket he was wearing and wrapped them around Tsuzuki's body. Tsuzuki turned to his side and made a soft gurgling sound.  
  
Hisoka smiled and kissed his forehead. He wasn't used to be the 'lovey-dovey' type, but acting it towards Tsuzuki felt different, he felt like he was meant to be like that. He stepped towards the window and opened the curtain slightly, peering outside. It was still dark but the sky was a little blue. He glanced at the clock that told him it was 2.00 in the morning.   
  
Hisoka sighed quietly, he couldn't get back to sleep so he sat on a stool, next to Tsuzuki's sleeping form. His fingers unconsciously went to the soft brown hair and began stroking. "I'm so sorry for everything, Tsuzuki," he whispered into his ear. His hands glided to the soft slightly pink cheeks and Hisoka leaned forward to place a soft kiss on Tsuzuki's lips.   
  
Tsuzuki mumbled something incoherently and managed to drag Hisoka on the couch with him, unconsciously, arms draped over his stomach, spooning him from behind. Both of them fitted on it perfectly, with the boy lying half on top of Tsuzuki. Hisoka protested at first but Tsuzuki was already dead asleep, and snoring. The blond sighed and placed his hand on Tsuzuki's, which were wound up around his body. Hisoka was a bit worried that Hijiri would find them like this when he wake up, but Hisoka was too comfy in Tsuzuki's arms to move away. So he closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about resting only, but fell asleep right after that.   
  
A few minutes later, he woke up but Hisoka had a hard time opening his eyes. He snuggled deeper into Tsuzuki's arms before trying to open the emerald orbs again. He succeeded somehow and opened it to the fullest. Scanning around the room, he unlaced himself from Tsuzuki's strong arms. Hisoka stretched his body and walked towards the table to make some tea since his stomach were already screaming for something to fill it. He never dared to go to the cafeteria alone, knowing Muraki is in the same building even though it's still midnight, so he spent his times reading books or magazines in the hospital room.   
  
Out of a sudden, he felt arms circling around his body from behind. He thought it was Tsuzuki's but as he studied the skin, he realized Tsuzuki wasn't so… white. And he wears his watch on his right wrist. But these arms were different, pale and cold. His eyes widen in realization and he began trembling, his emotions were running in a whirpool. The curse marks on his body glowing a bright red, making it visible even from under his shirt. A voice spoke in a husky tone, "I see you recognize me, boy," It was whispered in his ear, goose bumps appearing everywhere. A warm wet tongue glided repeatedly on his ear, making him shut his eyes tight. The arms went tighter around him and he gave out a small whimper.   
  
"Don't… please," he pleaded, voice slightly shaking in fear. He was about to call out to Tsuzuki for help, but a hand clamped down on his mouth and he was forced to turn towards his captor. Hisoka looked up at the tall doctor and trembled again, trying to get away from the grips of the psycho.  
  
"Make a sound and I'll kill the boy," he warned and pointed towards the still sleeping Hijiri. Hisoka's breath was stuck in his throat as he struggled for a voice. Muraki smirked as he saw Hisoka's expression, so innocent.   
  
The doctor pulled his hand away from the boy's mouth, only to replace it roughly with his lips. Hisoka struggled in the kiss, trying to break away as he felt a wandering hand sliding down behind him. Tempted, the doctor laced his hand through the boy's hair, only to pull it, shoving his head backwards, breaking the kiss. "Do you hate that boy so much, that you want me to kill him?" the doctor purred again in his ear. His lips descend to his neck, licking the flesh there, not waiting for an answer.  
  
Finally finding his voice, Hisoka spoke up. "What do you want?" Hisoka felt sick, as Muraki's smiled widened. "Oh, just a little something to please me," he continued, "You know, I've received some complaints from other wards, saying that this particular room is rather noisy at night time, with those senseless screaming and all," Hisoka's eyes revealed fear. "As I'm not a man who would take money as punishment, I would just-" Hisoka cut in, even before thinking, "Like hell you aren't," he turned his head towards Tsuzuki, "Tsuzu-" a hand clamped over his mouth again, muffling the sound.   
  
Hisoka struggled violently in the doctor's arms, trying to alert his newfound love and friend. Muraki produced a syringe with a strange crystal liquid inside and stabbed it into the boy's arm. Hisoka's eyes went wide as he registered the dull pain on his arm before going limp against the man's chest.  
  
The doctor caught him and whispered, "You're so easy to fool, boy,"   
  
End of Chapter 10  
  
(A/N: Saa... minna!! Chapter 10's done!! I'm so sorry it took so long, actually, my phone line had a little problem, so I couldn't use the internet, I hope you guys enjoyed that fic and R&R please!!! Those who had commented this fic, Sankyuu!!! Love ya all, bye!!!) 


	11. Forced or Willingly?

(A/N: Anyone whose alergic to yaoi please stay away, anyway, some of you are a little impatient for this chapter but I'm telling you, it's ugly, read at your own risk, and please don't blame me for this ugly chapter, I don't know what went through my mind when I wrote this,)  
  
  
Chapter 11 Forced or Willingly?  
  
Hisoka woke up to unfamiliar surroundings. He rubbed his eyes before trying to remember how did he get here, wherever it is. He looked around again and noticed a man sitting on a chair, by a desk. He rubbed his eyes again, trying to clear his hazy visions, so that he can see whom it was. A pain suddenly slammed into his head, making him whimper. He shut his eyes and placed his hand on his head, trying to ease the unwelcome headache.  
  
Suddenly he felt someone stroking his hair, in a gentle way and he opened his eyes, expecting it to be Tsuzuki. But to his horror, it wasn't Tsuzuki, "Muraki!" Hisoka recoiled back, trying to get away from the doctor's reach. The pain became more and more unbearable as he moved around. "What do you want from me?" he hissed trying to ignore the pain. The marks on his body glowed and he cried out, the combining of the pains made his body arch and convulse. After several minutes of whimpering, his body fell back against the bed, panting softly. The pain was still there but Hisoka was too exhausted to move around anymore. "Well, I'll just have to do this fast, ne?"  
  
Muraki smirked at the unmoving boy and placed a hand on his chest, playing with the buttons of Hisoka's shirt. "I don't know why I bothered with a slut like you," Muraki started, undoing the buttons of Hisoka's shirt, slowly spreading it apart and licked his lips. Hisoka whimpered softly, trying to get away but his energy were all used up in the struggle just a few minutes ago. The doctor put his arm around Hisoka's back, lifting him slightly up. Hisoka's head fell back and Muraki slipped the long-sleeved shirt off.   
  
"But I guess you are my favorite doll, and I love torturing your delicious body," Muraki continued. He placed Hisoka back on the bed and moved his hands all around Hisoka's exposed chest. Muraki leaned down to capture the boy's lips as a hand located a nipple and began pinching and rolling it around in his fingers. The doctor licked around Hisoka's lips, trying to pry it open but the boy wasn't cooperating. Angered, Muraki clawed his hand up and down Hisoka's chest, making him gasp in pain and Muraki wasted no time in inserting his tongue, thrusting it deep into Hisoka's mouth. Bruises appeared on the boy's chest, the result of long nails.   
  
His hands traveled down to the front of Hisoka's jeans and began undoing the button and slipping the zip down. Something snapped in the boy's thoughts and he began struggling violently, head turning to his side, breaking the rough kiss. Muraki glared and climbed on the bed, pinning Hisoka's arms above his head. He searched around and located Hisoka's shirt that he had carelessly dumped. He bent down without removing his hand from Hisoka's arms and used his free hand to retrieve the long-sleeved shirt.  
  
Muraki tied the boy's hands up above his head, on the post. "Don't try to tempt me, boy, cause when I'm angry, everything will be ugly," He bent down again and claimed Hisoka's lips in a brutal way, bruising the boy's lips. Hisoka struggled again and as a tongue invaded his mouth, he bit down on it without thinking. Muraki pulled away, wiping the blood from his mouth. The doctor raised his hand and brought it down for a blow across Hisoka's face.  
  
The boy cried out again as Muraki's face descends to his neck and sharp teeth sank into the soft flesh, drawing blood and sucking it. The doctor pulled away and smirked at the crying boy. "You really like it to be painful, don't you, boy?" Muraki's face went to his shoulder and gave it the same rough treatment, biting the skin and sucking the blood out. His hands went to Hisoka's jeans and he pulled it down, together with his boxer, dumping it carelessly.   
  
"Mmm, your body is beautiful, your smooth soft skin looks better with blood on it," he purred running his eyes up and down the exposed body. Hisoka twisted, trying to release himself from the bonds. "Let me go!!" Muraki leaned down and captured Hisoka's lower lip, sucking it before sinking his teeth in the flesh. The doctor pulled away and studied the boy again; blood running down his lip and his neck were messed up with blood. Licking his lips, he descends again, lapping at the red liquid.   
  
"It's no use struggling boy, Tsuzuki won't hear you, he's still fast asleep," he started. "And I noticed you have a little love affair with that man, am I right?" Muraki asked, not expecting an answer. Hisoka didn't reply, simply glaring at his most hateful enemy. "And I also noted that he knew what happened between you and I," Hisoka gasped, fearing Muraki would hurt Tsuzuki. "Leave Tsuzuki out of this!" the boy hissed. "Oh no, I don't remember ever asking you to give me orders," Muraki grabbed the boy's sensitive organ and squeezed hard.   
  
Hisoka cried out, back arching in pain. "I'm the boss here, I give you orders, not you, you're just my plaything," he warned but didn't release the grip he had on the boy. "N… no… let go!" he whimpered again, much to Muraki's amusement. "I said, don't give me orders, you need to plead, beg me," he whispered in his ears, hand tightening on the boy's abused sex. "Please… please don't," he pleaded, hoping the doctor would show mercy.  
  
Muraki smirked again. His hand softening the hold, but not fully letting it free. Hand curled around the soft member, he ran it up and down, making Hisoka's mind twist. "No… please…" he pleaded again, trying to shut some part of his sick mind. The doctor ignored it and began stroking him faster and faster, enjoying the whimpers the boy produced. The flesh in his hand were getting harder and harder with each stroke, and Muraki released the now hard sex. He observed his body again, "Beautiful, hard and innocent,"   
  
Hisoka moaned, involuntarily, body covered with a fine layer of sweat. "You like it, boy?" the doctor asked, his hand returning to his hard shaft, making Hisoka arch against the touch, a slight blush colored his cheeks. Muraki pulled his hand away making the boy whimper, and began undressing, placing his clothes neatly on a table. Hisoka wasn't sure what was happening to his body. It was reacting against his will and he blushed again at the sight of the doctor's hard body.   
  
Hisoka couldn't think as the sexual part of him took control and he spread his legs wide, knees bending, exposing himself to the doctor. "Nn… I knew you would submit to me, sooner or later," the doctor purred and began stroking Hisoka again. Muraki removed his hands, exchanging it with his tongue, licking around the head making Hisoka cry out and arch his back. Muraki moved deeper, sucking him to ecstasy. Hisoka whimpered, his body writhing restless on the bed.   
  
Muraki sensed that Hisoka was close to the edge so he pulled away from the weeping member. Hisoka whimpered and raised his hips, trying to get the mouth where it was. "Shh… I'll give you more, just be patient," the doctor whispered, holding him still. The doctor placed his hands on his hips and turned him to his stomach. Hisoka's arms crossed painfully above his head, still bound by his shirt. Hisoka lifted his hips, offering himself to the sadistic doctor. Muraki moaned at the sight. "Yes… beautiful… my slut, my very own slut,"   
  
Muraki bent down to lap at the puckered hole, sticking his tongue in and Hisoka couldn't do anything but moan. Muraki pulled away and positioned his arousal on the opening and pushed in up to the hilt. The doctor pulled out and slammed back in, without giving Hisoka time to adjust. The boy cried out again and again as the hard shaft abused his passage, blood coming out, playing the role as lubricant. The cries soon became groans of pleasure.  
  
Hisoka moaned again and lifted his hips higher, pleasure controlling the way he thinks. The doctor smirked, he liked his doll like this, submissive and giving. The doctor's thrust increased in strength and speed, riding the boy until climax took over and he released his seed in Hisoka's body. The boy moaned again, his body shaking violently as he felt his body rose to the limits of pleasure and he released, spilling himself onto the bed.   
  
The doctor pulled away and Hisoka fell back on the bed, still on his stomach, too tired to move. The blond panted, his skin still flushed. "How was it, boy?" a voice startled him but he stayed quiet. "It's obvious, you enjoyed it," the voice slurred in his ear. His eyes widen in realization, gasping softly. He refused to believe it. The tip of a finger trailed up from the small of his back and up to his neck, making him shiver. "Maybe next time, we can do it again," the doctor said again. Hisoka wriggled, trying to escape, but the bonds held him right in place. "Let me go!!"   
  
Muraki turned him over onto his back, his index finger tracing the pale rose color of the curse marks. "You know, these curse I left on your body will kill you, I really am surprised you're not dead yet," the doctor started, making the boy shut his eyes as the finger trailed lower towards his legs. "I wonder what's stopping it, my magic are really strong," he said again as the finger went from his knee up to his thighs and Hisoka felt ghostly touches on his sex. "Stop… let go… onegai," he pleaded, eyes still tightly shut.   
  
"I wonder what Tsuzuki will think, if he saw me… sleeping… with… you," Hisoka shook his head. "No! You forced me in!! You raped me!!" the boy yelled, not caring what the consequences are. The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? Then I must be seeing things, I'm really sure that you wanted it," Muraki leaned in close to his ear. "Craved it… wanted more… pleading me to fuck you… begging me silently…" he slurred, breath puffy against Hisoka's neck.   
  
"IYAA!! I didn't!! I didn't want it!! I hate you!!" Hisoka cried again, tears cascading down his cheeks. Muraki chuckled softly. The marks on his body slowly rising in color, making the boy arch slightly as pain covered his body. Hisoka struggled again to free his arms, almost tearing the cloth but succeeding in freeing an arm and he used it to push Muraki away. "You can say whatever you want boy, but deep down inside, I know you liked it," Muraki stated then got up to get dressed. "Face it, Hisoka, you want it," he said again, after putting on his clothes and walked out the door.  
  
Relief that the doctor didn't lock the door, Hisoka tugged at his bound arm again and finally managed to get his arms free. He put on what was left of his almost torn sweater and slipped into his jeans. Limping slightly towards the door, a dull pain still stayed on his bottom, the result of rough thrusting. With tears still blurring his eyes, he walked as fast as he could towards Hijiri's single ward, glad that it's still dawn and there were no people passing by. He wouldn't want anyone to see the state he was in, all ruffled.  
  
Getting in, he finally collapsed onto the cold tiles, Tsuzuki still fast asleep. Hisoka let the tears fall freely down his face, not being able to hold it in as the doctor's words penetrated his mind. 'Face it, Hisoka, you want it,' and he lost consciousness on the floor.   
  
End of Chapter 11  
  
(A/N: I was mean, sorry!!! I'll make it up to you guys who were offended soon okay!! Anyway, review please!!! Those who had reviewed, thanx a lo~~~~~~~t!! I appreciate it sooooooo much!!!!!! Anyway, questions or suggestions, don't be shy to type in!!! Again, thanx!!! I'll finish chapter 12 real soon, and make sure no kids reading this from now on, okay?! Ja ne!!!) 


	12. A dirty plan in a psycho's head

(A/N: Ahahahaha!! Sorry for the lousy title but I'm out of ideas. So I'll give you one advice, don't eat while you're reading this story, I won't be responsible, to Morien Alexander, Tsuzuki will wake up, don't worry!! and guys!!! stop calling me a meanie!!! UWAAAA~~!! and I promise, this story will get more interesting!!!  
  
  
Chapter 12 A dirty plan in a psycho's head  
  
Hisoka opened his eyes, and found out that the sun was already high in the sky; the proof of another day had begun. He looked around and found that he was still lying on the cold floor, Tsuzuki and Hijiri still sound asleep. At first, he was confused, as to why he was here and not in Tsuzuki's arms? Wasn't he in Tsuzuki's arms the last time he fell asleep? He shut his eyes and massaged his throbbing temple. He also felt this strange pain between his legs, and he closed his legs together, still confused and worried.  
  
'Mmm, your body is beautiful, your smooth soft skin looks better with blood on it,' suddenly a voice whispered and Hisoka turned to look who was it. 'I don't remember ever asking you to give me orders,' another voice that made Hisoka confused. 'Yes… beautiful… my slut, my very own slut,' by that moment, Hisoka was already trembling with fear on the floor. Slowly, bits by bits of his memory came back, forming a whole disgusting scene to him.   
  
Two bodies were doing it on a bed, one was himself while the other was… the other was… "Muraki!" the blond hissed to himself. He covered a hand over his mouth as Hisoka felt a bile rise to his throat and he pushed himself up, trying to stand but failed. As he felt the fluid rise up again, Hisoka shut his eyes and struggled to swallow it back down, not wanting to make a mess. He decided that he couldn't hold on any longer and crawled on all fours to the bathroom, banging the door behind.   
  
Reaching the toilet bowl, he retched violently, his stomach heaving as he vomited everything out. Tears sprang to his eyes and beads of sweat covered his whole body as he continued to throw up, finding it hard to breathe every time. As he thought it was over, he leaned back on the cold wall, panting. He used the back of his hand to wipe off the dribbling fluid down his mouth. Hisoka whimpered a little as another flashback slammed into his brain.  
  
'It's obvious, you enjoyed it,' the blond placed both hands on his ears, covering them, but the voice won't go away. 'I wonder what Tsuzuki will think, if he saw me… sleeping… with… you,' He gasped, forgetting about Tsuzuki. His love would be very angry and mad and what if Tsuzuki throws him out? Where will he live? He sobbed, tears running fast down his face. "I'm sorry… so sorry… Tsuzuki," he whispered to himself as another bile rise and he was bent over the toilet, throwing up. 'Craved it… wanted more… pleading me to fuck you… begging me silently…' Hisoka fought for air as he heaved again, his stomach began aching.   
  
Tsuzuki, on the other hand was jolted awake with a bang. He sat up and looked around, noticing that Hisoka wasn't with him. "'Soka-chan?" he called out. Hijiri was still fast asleep. "'Soka? Where are you?" he asked again. Then he heard sobs and painful retching from the bathroom. He stood up quickly and almost ran towards the source of the voice. Kicking the door open, he was greeted with an awful sight. There sat Hisoka holding onto the toilet bowl, puking his guts out. "Oh no! Hisoka!" he ran to his love's side, stroking his back, giving him comfort.   
  
Meanwhile, Hisoka was startled as he heard Tsuzuki's voice, thinking it was his imaginations at first, then felt a hand running up and down his back. "… Tsu… Tsuzuki…" he whispered before collapsing in the young man's arms, exhausted from all the vomiting, breathing hard. Sweat made the wheat-colored bangs stick to his forehead, his face flushed, and body shaking in the strong arms.   
  
Tsuzuki took some loo rolls and wet it with water a little bit before using it to gently wipe off some unwanted fluids running down Hisoka's mouth. The boy's eyes closed. Then Tsuzuki noticed the ugly bruise on Hisoka's lips and neck. "Hisoka… where did you get these?" Tsuzuki worriedly asked. Hisoka opened his eyes and quickly covered the red mark on his lips with his hands. "No… I… I bit my lip… that's all…" he stuttered. His lover couldn't believe it. "That deep? And what about your neck?" the brunette asked again.   
  
Hisoka searched for answer but finding none. He couldn't straight forwardly tell his lover what happened. What happened between him and Muraki was disgusting and he wouldn't want Tsuzuki to know. "Hisoka?" Tears came streaming down and the blond shook his head, no answer coming. "No… Tsuzuki… don't ask… please…" he pleaded, hoping Tsuzuki would forget the matter. Tsuzuki sighed, worried but he would ask Hisoka later. And if Muraki had anything to do with this, he was sure going to print a punch on the doctor's face.   
  
Throwing the tissue in the toilet, he took another roll and used it to wipe around Hisoka's sweaty face and down his neck, careful not to hurt him. Hisoka closed his eyes, letting his lover clean him up, loving the way Tsuzuki cared for him. Tsuzuki flushed the toilet after discarding the tissue in it and pulled Hisoka closer.  
  
Hisoka buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest as he felt himself being lifted up, carried to a couch and laid down on it. By that time, Hijiri had already wakened up and he narrowed his eyes at the sight of Tsuzuki carrying Hisoka. "What happened?" the brunette boy asked, sitting up on his bed.   
  
"Aa, Hijiri-kun, you're awake! Are you feeling okay?" Tsuzuki asked as he placed Hisoka on the couch gently. "What happened?" he asked again. Tsuzuki removed Hisoka's torn shirt and went to the cupboard to change it with another one, slipping it on the blonde's body. "I don't know… Hisoka was sick in the toilet…" Tsuzuki replied. Grabbing a blanket, he used it to cover Hisoka's shivering forms. Hijiri sighed and slumped back down on the bed.   
  
Something felt a little fishy. Hijiri knew about Hisoka's past, courtesy of his talent in eavesdropping. He wondered when will the other boy tell him about it. And also about his relationship with Tsuzuki. He was kept in the dark all the time, and Hijiri was a little hurt. He often asked himself if he was such a big mouth that Hisoka and Tsuzuki wouldn't tell him their little secret. 'Tch', but don't worry, I knew everything,' he thought.   
  
But still, why wouldn't they tell him? And he wondered, why would he even bother if Tsuzuki told him or not? He knew his heart would be crushed into millions and millions of pieces but he couldn't stand being kept in the dark.   
  
Then he heard a knock on the door and Tsuzuki went to answer. There greeting their sights were Muraki sensei, smiling hostily. Tsuzuki's brow furrowed as he stepped away from the door. "Aa, as usual, I came here to do the check ups on Minase-kun" he announced and walked towards Hijiri who stared wide-eyed. He never realised how beautiful and at the same time scary this man can be. This reminded him of his maths teacher, Seiichiro sensei. Though scary, Seiichiro sensei is very kind. But Hijiri doesn't really know if Muraki sensei is kind or not. Well, according to Hisoka, this man is mean, but, 'He looks kind,' Hijiri thought.  
  
The brunette boy shook his head. 'What in the world am I thinking?' his mind screamed. 'But then again, maybe he's not mean at all, maybe Hisoka did something that angered sensei,' he thought again. Movements full of grace, Muraki strode towards Hijiri. "I see you're alright now, Minase-kun," the doctor started. "Have you been feeling pain lately?" sensei asked. Hijiri, not trusting his voice, simply shook his head. Muraki smiled, sensing how nervous the boy is. "Good, so, I'll do a quick check on your wounds, see if they're healed or not," he said again and Hijiri lay down, letting the doctor lift his shirt up.   
  
The doctor casually ran the tip of his fingers down the boy's bare chest, making him shiver, and down to his ribs where bandages surrounded the area. Muraki made the gesture as if by accident, with Tsuzuki watching him closely, arms crossed in front of his chest, anger barely controlled. Hisoka had already shut his eyes and pulled the blanket up over his head, refusing to even set eyes on the doctor whom had tortured, used and toyed with him just a few hours ago.   
  
Muraki removed the bandages and inspected the once ugly wounds. But now, it was all healed, leaving scars behind. "I see… you're better now," the doctor commented, taking out his stethoscope and placing the metal on Hijiri's chest, checking his heartbeat. The boy shivered again at the cold metal touching his skin. Muraki kept his eyes on Hijiri's wide green ones as he listened to the heartbeat getting faster and faster. Hijiri sanked deeper into the pillow he was laying on as Muraki's gaze penetrated his soul.   
  
Muraki smiled, hiding a smirk. 'This boy seems full of trust, by using him, I can break the three of you apart,' he thought silently. The doctor picked up the clipboard on the end of Hijiri's bed and studied it for a while, before writing something on it. "Hmm… by the looks of it, you can be discharged later this afternoon," the doctor announced, turning to a happy Hijiri. "Aa? Hontou ni?! Yatta!!!" Hijiri exclaimed, glad that he could escape the four stressful white walls that kept him inside. "But you will have to rest for a couple of days at home before going to school,"  
  
Hijiri sighed again. Staying at home doing nothing was the worst thing that could happen to him. Well, he could play his violin, but it wasn't any fun playing it alone without anyone around watching. Hisoka's going to school and Tsuzuki will be doing his daily good-for-nothing work. By afternoon, Hijiri's stuff were already packed with Tsuzuki helping while Hisoka was doing his best trying to forget his encounter with that psycho doctor. Tsuzuki had already booked a taxi to come pick them up and Hijiri was glad to leave the hospital.  
  
The next morning, Tsuzuki tried persuading Hisoka not to go to school, seeing the state he was in, but the blond was stubborn, not listening to what adults say. Tsuzuki somehow sensed something happen the day before, and he tried a few times digging in, trying to get a few clues. A couple of times Hisoka was a little angry at Tsuzuki for bringing the matter up, and Tsuzuki immediately turned into his usual puppy form, looking kicked and begging the blond to be cheerful. It was unusual for Hisoka to feel this way but he wanted to squeeze those cute cheeks and say it's all right. But he just couldn't do it. He wasn't used to being like that.   
  
A few hours after the both of them left, Hijiri was already lying upside down on the couch, trying to think of something to do. His violin lay untouched on the table and for the first time in his life, he wasn't up to play that musical instrument. So he spent a few minutes walking around the house, and found nothing to do. Tsuzuki had told him not to go out, worrying about him getting hurt. "But I'm fine now!" he almost yelled, alone in the house.   
  
After a few more moments of boredom, Hijiri decided to ignore Tsuzuki's advice and went out for a walk, after changing his clothes. Strolls after strolls in the park, the boy found himself outside a cafeteria, not knowing how he got there. He checked his wallet for money and when he already made sure he had some, the brunette boy opened the door and walked in, going straight to the counter. After ordering a cup of tea and some meat buns, Hijiri chose his seat in the corner, far away from the crowds.   
  
He wasn't sure if he should go out but he was dead bored at home. Tsuzuki won't know anyway, and he'll be back before Hisoka or Tsuzuki come home. He checked his wristwatch that showed him it'll be 4 hours before either of them come home. He took a sip of his tea and spent his time just watching people pass by from the window next to him.   
  
"Pardon me, but is this seat taken?" a polite voice startled him and he looked up. Silver greeted his eyes. "Muraki sensei!"   
  
  
  
End of chapter 12  
  
(A/N: Okay, this chapter finish, suggestions, comments, or anything you wanna say about this fic are welcome!!! Those who had commented this fic, or given suggestions, thank you very much!!!! Since many of you liked my fic, I'll be writing chapter 13 really fast, you'll just have to be patient, okay? That's all from me, bye!!) 


	13. Hypnotized

Chapter 13 Hypnotized  
  
Hijiri searched his mind for something to say before remembering the question pointed to him. "Aa… its not taken sensei… have a seat," he replied. The doctor smiled before sitting down, ordering coffee and omelets for breakfast. For the next minutes the doctor was quietly sipping his tea and Hijiri was uncomfortable with the silence and he shifted in his chair a couple of times, trying to build a conversation. 'This is weird, he seems calm,' he thought.   
  
"So, Minase-kun, how have you been?" the doctor had finally started a hopefully continuing conversation. "Huh? Oh, Er… I've been… very very well, except I'm too bored to sit at home," he replied, not knowing what else to say. The doctor offered a smile and Hijiri blushed. "Is that so? Where have the two of your friends gone?" Muraki asked. "Eh… Hisoka went to school and Tsuzuki's out doing his part time jobs," the boy replied, feeling slightly comfortable. "Part time jobs? But isn't he already over 20?"   
  
Hijiri chuckled. "He's 26, but he's actually an overgrown baby, he often acts like one and never acted like an adult, well, not never but majority times he's like, too attention seeking, just like a spoilt brat," Hijiri continued, as Muraki gave a soft chuckle. "And as for those part time jobs, I don't even know why he won't search for a job for his age," he explained.   
  
"Great friend you have there, and tell me more about his lover, Hisoka," he spoke and Hijiri froze. 'Lover?' Well, he knew they loved each other but he wasn't exactly expecting Muraki sensei to say it like that. Muraki succeeded in striking the boy's soft spot, 'this is going to be easy,' he thought. "You don't know they are lovers?" he asked again. Hijiri lowered his face, and nodded softly.   
  
"What's wrong? I haven't said anything bad, have I?" the doctor asked, feigning worry. Hijiri quickly shook his head, meeting the doctor's silver eyes. "No! I mean… no, it's just that… I… I… oh, never mind," A slow blush crept to his face. The doctor smiled again making the boy's face even redder. "Is there anything you want to share?" Muraki asked, and Hijiri blushed even redder.   
  
"It's nothing, sensei," the brunette boy wondered if he would get a nosebleed soon. Muraki raised an eyebrow, "Can I guess?" Hijiri panicked, "No, it's nothing, really, sensei," he reassured.  
  
"You like Tsuzuki," the doctor replied, smiling. Still blushing, Hijiri refused to look into those silver eyes, staring at his tea instead. "Yes, I like him," he confessed, voice barely a whisper and he didn't see Muraki smirking. "Have you told him?" sensei asked and Hijiri shook his head, still staring at his tea.  
  
Suddenly he felt slender fingers tilting his chin up, making him meet the doctor's eyes. "What's stopping you? I don't see why he'd reject you, you're beautiful, how can he not like you?" the comment made Hijiri blush again. The boy shook his head and pulled away from the fingers.  
  
"It's not that, I… I just can't tell him… It's obvious that Tsuzuki loves Hisoka very much, how can there be any space for me?" Hijiri wasn't even sure why he was talking about this stuff with the doctor. "Have you tried yet?" sensei suddenly asked, meeting Hijiri's confused gaze.  
  
"Tried?" Muraki smiled. "Yes, have you tried showing him how you feel?" Hijiri's face turned bright red, and he quickly shook his head. "Se… sensei… I don't think we should have this conversation," he spoke up, cheeks still red. The look on Hijiri's face was priceless. "Why shouldn't we?" the doctor asked. The boy simply shook his head. "Sensei… I'm just; I don't want to talk about this…" he replied.  
  
"What are you afraid of?" the doctor asked again and Hijiri wondered when would they stop talking about this. He was 100% uncomfortable now. "Nothing," he replied. Then the fingers returned again, stroking his cheeks tenderly. "Do you want his love so much?" Muraki asked, and Hijiri nodded his head. The doctor's thumb went to his lips, running over the soft red flesh gently. Hijiri's gaze set on the doctor's eyes as the slender fingers stroked his face and he felt a little dizzy, his head spinning but his eyes were staring at Muraki's silver ones.  
  
"What… what are you… doing to me?" Hijiri asked in a weak voice, making himself even more confused. Muraki looked around him for a while; hand still on the boy's cheeks. Finding that no one was looking his way, the doctor leaned forward, his face inching slowly towards Hijiri's. The doctor flicked his tongue out, tasting the boy's soft lips before pressing his own lips on Hijiri's willing ones as gently as he could before pulling away.   
  
Looking at Hijiri's expressionless face, with those glassy green orbs staring back at him, the doctor smirked. 'Right where I want you,' he whispered to himself. Hijiri blinked once, and his eyes turned normal again. "Sensei… what happened?" Muraki shook his head, as if to reassure him. "Nothing, nothing happened, my little one," Hijiri grew even confused at the chosen words. The doctor checked his wristwatch before looking back towards the boy. "I'll have to go now, take care… Hijiri," the doctor leaned forward again, capturing the boy's lips.   
  
Hijiri didn't respond, due to the shock and confusion. He couldn't even do anything as the doctor's tongue began caressing his lips and he parted them slightly, not sure what made him do so. Muraki thrust his tongue in gently, tasting the sweet boy, before pulling away. He smiled again as Hijiri's delicate fingers went to his own lips, touching the place where the doctor had kissed, almost in disbelief that he didn't push Muraki sensei away.   
  
Standing up, the doctor signaled for the waiter for their bills, even paying for Hijiri's breakfast. After the waiter went out of their sights Muraki bent down to whisper in Hijiri's ear. "I'll meet you tomorrow, here, same time," a flush colored his cheeks at the closeness they were in and he found himself nodding, almost involuntarily. The doctor brushed his lips softly on Hijiri's cheek, before walking out of the cafeteria, leaving a still blushing boy behind.   
  
Hijiri stared at the doctor's back until he was out of sight. When Muraki was gone, Hijiri touched his lips again and a slight color of red painted his cheeks. 'What did he think he was doing?' he questioned to himself. 'And why in the world didn't I resist?' he thought again. He loved Tsuzuki, and he never wanted that doctor. Tsuzuki is for him, not the doctor. He kept repeating 'I love Tsuzuki' in his heart again and again.   
  
He still feels love for Tsuzuki, but what confused him was that he wanted the doctor. Almost as if he wanted to be with the doctor, and he didn't even know what triggered these feelings. He tried to shake off the feeling of the kiss and blushed again. 'He kissed me, for heaven's sake!!' he thought again.   
  
Standing up, he walked to the door of the cafeteria and out the park. Checking his wristwatch, he realized in horror that it's already 2.00 pm, Hisoka and Tsuzuki would be already home by now. He ran as fast as he could back home, hoping that none of them had reached home yet. Panting slightly, he fished the keys out of his pocket, using it to unlock the door and open it.  
  
Tsuzuki was sitting on a couch, arms crossed in front on his chest while Hisoka was at the dining table, drinking tea. The brunette looked up as he saw Hijiri entering and the boy gave a sly grin. "Err… eh… when did you guys come home?" Hijiri asked, slightly stammering. Tsuzuki rolled his eyes. "I thought that doctor told you to rest for a couple of days?" the brunette inquired, making Hijiri frown.  
  
"It's alright, I'm fine, anyway, have you guys eaten yet?" the boy asked, and Tsuzuki shook his head. "Okay, well, I'll help you… cooo… ugh… oww…" Both of Hijiri's hands went to his head as a full migraine slammed in, making him whimper and then cry out, falling helplessly as his legs gave way. Tsuzuki hastily got up from the couch, Hisoka's eyes trailing their every move as the brunette got up, catching the weaken Hijiri in his arms.   
  
"Hijiri… are you alright? Hijiri!!" Tsuzuki almost yelled as Hijiri's head fell backward, lacking energy to lift them up. A flash of concern went through Hisoka's eyes but it disappeared as soon as Hijiri spoke, "I… I'll be alright… if you hold me close…" he whispered, enough for them to hear.   
  
Hijiri mustered enough energy to bring his hand up and cover his mouth. He was sure that he didn't thought of that. The hand suddenly fell to his side and he spoke up again. "I'll be more alright… with you inside me…" he purred, blushing as the words came out. And Hijiri gasped.   
  
"Hijiri-kun, what's wrong?" a concerned Tsuzuki asked, laying Hijiri on the couch, keeping a little distance. And as soon as Tsuzuki moved away, Hijiri never knew where did he get the energy but he latched onto Tsuzuki's arm. "Tsuzuki… onegai… make love to me… I need you so much inside me," he whispered, breath hot and puffy against the brunette's neck.   
  
Tears ran down the brunette boy's face, deep down inside, he knew something was very wrong with him, and he tried to let go of Tsuzuki's arms, but his body wouldn't obey. "Make love to me now… I want to feel you," he whispered again, involuntarily. "I love you Tsuzuki, so much," The boy's arms wrapped around Tsuzuki's neck as he brought his face close to the brunette.   
  
The sound of glass smashing broke them apart, and Tsuzuki turned his head towards the source of the voice. "Hisoka!" blood were running down from his right palm, dripping on the table. What had been a cup of tea was now broken. Hisoka had smashed the glass down, bringing his hand down together. The blond glared at Hijiri with deadly emerald eyes, before running out the door, but Tsuzuki had already pushed the dizzy boy aside and ran towards the crying Hisoka, grabbing his arms and pulled him to his chest, holding him there.   
  
Hisoka wanted to submit to Tsuzuki then, but he felt as if Tsuzuki did that only to reassure him. Of course it was for comfort but Tsuzuki will definitely run to Hijiri next time. Maybe Tsuzuki doesn't love him anymore. Hijiri is his close resemblance, why can't Tsuzuki choose him? Moreover, he was very sure that his life is cut short because of the curse, and he couldn't blame Tsuzuki for going anywhere else. He won't live long and he had to let go of his only love. The only one who had shown affection to him, even if Tsuzuki knew of his ugly past. He would love him.  
  
"No! Let me go!" he screamed as he thrashed in Tsuzuki's arms. Strong arms held him in place, and Tsuzuki carefully kissed the top of Hisoka's head, trying to calm him. "Tsuzuki… no… let go!! I'm dirty, go to Hijiri… go!!" he whimpered as Tsuzuki registered the meaning. Hisoka never meant to drive Tsuzuki away but right now, his mind were filled with death and his past.   
  
Hijiri was watching with hazy eyes, lying on the cold floor. He felt guilty and unwanted. He never meant what he said, but he couldn't help feeling unwanted. Tsuzuki pushed him away. He confessed his love but he was rejected. Rejected because he said the wrong things. He said things that only a… a… a whore would say. Tsuzuki rejected him because he acted like a whore… no… he was rejected because he had become a whore.   
  
Hijiri's heart ached in his chest at the thought. He wouldn't get any other chance to profess his love anymore. Tears ran down his face, unable to hold them in. Hisoka had successfully released himself from Tsuzuki's arms and he backed away.  
  
"I won't force you to love me, Tsuzuki," Hisoka irritatedly wiping the tears from his face as he pushed the brunette aside and running as fast as he could to his room. Tsuzuki winced as the bang of the door could be heard.   
  
"I wasn't forced, Hisoka," he whispered to himself as Hijiri sobbed on the floor, lacking the energy to push himself up and just run away. Amethyst eyes began leaking tears.   
  
"You never forced me,"   
  
End of chapter 13  
  
(A/N: Minna, sorry for the lag of update, but I was away for a week, going to my aunt's house far far away, so I couldn't write. Again, I'm sorry, and I hope you guys will still like my story!!! R&R please, and to yamatoforever, I love your thoughts, but can I use it in my story?) 


	14. Sinned

Chapter 14 Sinned  
  
Hijiri clutched his head with one hand as he pushed himself up from the cold tiles with the other. He whimpered a little and managed to get up on his feet, swaying a little but steadied himself. He glanced at Tsuzuki and his heart ached at the sight of Tsuzuki, staring into space, tears running calmly down his face.  
  
"Tsuzuki?" Hijiri called out, worried for the one he loved. But the brunette didn't answer. The boy walked cautiously towards the still dazed Tsuzuki. "Tsuzuki, I'm sorry," he whispered as he lightly touched the brunette's arm. But the minute his index finger touched the fabric of Tsuzuki's shirt, the brunette lashed out and slapped Hijiri's hands away.  
  
"You… its all your fault…" Tsuzuki hissed, glaring at the helpless boy, making Hijiri gasp. Tsuzuki had never acted this way, never pointed those deadly gazes of scary violet eyes at him. It was as if Tsuzuki had undergone a personality change. But Hijiri wouldn't give up; he took a step closer towards Tsuzuki and carefully wrapped his arms around his neck, burying his face in Tsuzuki's chest.  
  
Tsuzuki's expression revealed disgust, as he pushed Hijiri away with such force that surprised the boy, even Tsuzuki was shocked. Hijiri landed with a thud on the floor, tears gathering at his eyes, making those familiar green orbs glassy. "Tsuzuki…" At that time, Hijiri was absolutely sure Tsuzuki hated him, and he couldn't accept the fact that Tsuzuki doesn't want him anymore.   
  
Hijiri shook his head, climbing back to his feet and rushed to Tsuzuki, clutching the young man's body, refusing to let go even when Tsuzuki tried to push him away. "No! I'm sorry, Tsuzuki, I won't do it again, don't hate me, please!!" he sobbed; "I love you!" the boy exclaimed as his arms went tighter over Tsuzuki's body.   
  
Anger controlled Tsuzuki as he spoke, "Get yourself off me and get out, Hijiri," Tsuzuki hissed again. Hijiri gasped as his eyes watered, releasing his hold on Tsuzuki, gazing up into those cold amethyst eyes. His eyes were icy and Hijiri backed a step, fearing the only one he love. "Tsuzuki…" he whispered. "You heard what I said, Hijiri," the older man spoke again and tears fell freely from Hijiri's eyes.   
  
'It can't be, it can't be,' his mind taunted. Tsuzuki had never been this mad at him. Tsuzuki was always gentle. This man had always been kind to him. Hijiri tried again to get close to Tsuzuki but the man simply walked to the door, opening it wide for Hijiri. "Get the heck out of here," the man hissed and Hijiri wondered if everything was a nightmare. Hijiri wouldn't budge, making Tsuzuki's anger spill out and he grabbed Hijiri's arm roughly, shoving him out and slamming the door shut.  
  
Again, Hijiri landed with a thud on the cement, tears uncontrollable. He stared at the door for a long while, before getting to his feet. Reaching through his pocket, he got out a receipt that was given from the hospital. On it, listed Muraki sensei's address. Desperate to get comfort, he ran out to the street, signaling for a taxi. Showing the address to the taxi driver, he nodded and drove off to their destination.  
  
Inside the taxi, Hijiri wondered why in the world would he go to Sensei's house right now. He barely even knows Sensei and now he's going to meet him. He just felt as if something inside him desired to meet with the doctor. Although he tried to ignore it, the feeling was still there. As if his body would only go to Sensei for comfort. He was confused but there was no turning back as the taxi driver parked the car outside the huge mansion. Hijiri paid the driver and got out, walking to the front door.  
  
He took deep breaths, wiping any traces of tears before knocking on the door. After a few seconds of waiting, the door opened with a click and out came a maid, answering his knocks. Hijiri swallowed before plucking the courage to ask. "A-ano, is Muraki sensei in?" the maid smiled before answering. "Do you have a medical appointment with him?" asked the maid. Hijiri sighed dejectedly and shook his head. "I'm afraid you can't see him without an appointm-" the maid was cut short as a tall man wearing silver pushed her away politely. She bowed in front of the man and quickly went in her own room, closing the door behind.  
  
"Ah, Hijiri-kun, what brought you here?" Muraki asked, a smile on his face. The doctor politely asked the maid to leave them be, opening the door wide enough for Hijiri to enter. "I… I don't know…" Hijiri replied, as Muraki softly pat the couch beside him, for Hijiri to sit. The boy took the offer and sat down on the couch, sinking into it.   
  
The doctor noticed the tears and asked, "What happened? Were you crying?" the inquiry startled Hijiri at first, and he didn't want to tell at first but he felt the urge to be comforted so he nodded. The doctor smirked, but it went unnoticed to the boy as he moved closer to Hijiri, placing his arms around his shoulders, pulling him to the doctor's firm chest. "Care to tell me why?" Muraki asked softly, whispering in Hijiri's ear, making goose bumps decorate his neck.  
  
Hijiri lifted his head from the doctor's chest to stare at Muraki's silver ones. Lifting one hand to gently caress the doctor's cheek, he asked, "Why do you care so much for me?" Muraki smirked again, bringing his face as close as possible to Hijiri's; lips almost touching the boy's, but Hijiri didn't pull away. He simply closed his eyes, leaning against the doctor. "Because, you have become my new puppet," he whispered as he landed a fierce kiss on Hijiri's lips.  
  
*****  
  
Tsuzuki slumped down on the floor after Hijiri had gone. He covered his face with his hands as he began sobbing, his shoulders shaking. 'What have I done, what have I done,' he kept repeating again and again in his heart. He never meant all those things he said to the boy; he never meant to drive him away like that. He never meant to blame Hijiri and he never wanted to hate him.  
  
He knew he shouldn't be angry like that, but when it comes to Hisoka, he just couldn't help it. He pushed himself up from the floor after ages of bone cramming sobbing on the floor. "Hisoka," he whispered to himself before running full speed up the stairs to Hisoka's room. He could already hear crying sounds inside, so he knocked fiercely on the door.  
  
"Hisoka!! Hisoka let me in!!" No answer. He was beginning to get worried, as the room grew quiet. "'Soka-chan!!" Then he heard ruffling sounds and he began knocking again on the door.  
  
"It's not locked, you baka!!" an annoyed yell came from inside. Tsuzuki paused for a moment before twisting the doorknob and it opened with a click. Sitting on the bed was Hisoka, wiping furiously at the tears and his shoulders was still slightly shaking.   
  
Hisoka was actually crying inside, looking at the marks on his body, thinking that Tsuzuki will hate him once he found out. When he heard the knock, he was fast on his feet, grabbing his shirt, putting it on and answering Tsuzuki.   
  
"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki whispered, sitting on the bed and he tried to reach out to the blonde boy but Hisoka quickly moved backwards on the bed, glaring daggers at Tsuzuki. The brunette winced at first, but he wasn't going to give up. He reached out again and cupped Hisoka's tear stained cheek with one hand. "Hisoka, I'm very sorry," he whispered again.   
  
Hisoka pulled away and turned the other way. "I've said already, I won't force you to love me," Hisoka tensed as he felt arms circling him from behind, loving arms. "I love you Hisoka, please believe me," Tsuzuki leaned his chin on Hisoka's shoulder, "I love you and I hope you can forgive me, Hisoka," The arms held him close against Tsuzuki's warm chest and Hisoka leaned in closer, almost unconsciously.   
  
"Tsuzuki… why do you love me?" Hisoka turned around in the man's arms, before wrapping his own arms around Tsuzuki's neck and burying his head in the brunette's chest. Tsuzuki pulled him even closer, kissing Hisoka's head. "I love you because it's natural for me to love you, I can't help with these feelings, that's why, I don't want to lose you,"   
  
Tsuzuki gently laid Hisoka on the bed, and stretched out next to him. Wrapping his arms once more around Hisoka's quivering body, pulling him close. "Never doubt my love, Hisoka," Tsuzuki whispered in Hisoka's ear, and planted a light kiss on his lips.  
  
*****  
  
"I'm… I'm your new puppet?" a confused Hijiri asked as the aggressive kiss broke. Muraki smirked and licked the boy's neck. Hijiri was too dazed to do anything about it. "Yes… yes you are, and I won't let my puppet be hurt…" he sucked the skin of his neck before biting gently, leaving marks behind. "Unless I want them to…" he whispered again.   
  
"Sensei… don't… stop it," Hijiri tried pushing him away again before he felt strange feelings down between his legs. He blushed as he saw his own flesh tenting in his pants, and he whimpered. He didn't remember ever feeling aroused at all. The doctor's hand found it's way to the front of Hijiri's pants and began squeezing.  
  
"I can make you feel pleasure… pain… anger… hatred… jealousy or even love," Hijiri pushed the hand away but as soon as the doctor's lips pressed down on his roughly, his hands went limp and Muraki continued fondling him. "Sensei… I don't want to… do this…" he bucked as the doctor's hands found it's way inside his pants. "Shh… you'll enjoy this, I promise…" the doctor slurred in Hijiri's ears, making the boy shiver and moan.  
  
Hijiri's mind was clouded by Tsuzuki's images and he tried to push the doctor away and move backwards but as Muraki kissed him, it was as if he had forgotten everything. The doctor's hands began unzipping Hijiri's jeans, but Hijiri couldn't do anything. As if his body was urging Muraki to continue. His fly was opened and Muraki pulled out the boy's erection out from the confines of his boxers.  
  
"A… ano… sensei… your tea is ready…" a voice made Muraki look up from the task at hand. A maid was standing a few feet away from the duo and she was blushing, eyes fixed on something she shouldn't have stared. Hijiri was thrusting inside the doctor's hand, not caring about the maid. "Leave us alone, now!!" Muraki's hands tightening around Hijiri's organ, making him moan, but the doctor was still glaring at the maid. "Can't you see we're busy?" She gasped, tearing her gaze away from the scene, blushing furiously. "H-hai!" after giving a slight bow, she immediately fled, leaving them alone.   
  
"Now, we should have some privacy, shouldn't we?" the doctor purred in Hijiri's ear and the boy suddenly shook his head. "De… demo, sensei, I don't want to do this… ahh…" Hijiri moaned again as the doctor's thumb played with the head of his organ. "I insist," and the next thing he knew, he was lifted in strong arms, carried to a large room and dumped onto the double bed.  
  
The doctor's hand went back to Hijiri's hard organ, pumping and moving it up and down the length. His other hand struggled to remove the boy's jeans and succeeded somehow. Hijiri's hips were thrusting wildly into the doctor's hand but his mind was reacting differently. "Sensei, onegai… I don't want to do this…" The doctor smirked and tightened his hand, his thumb pressing on the head. Hijiri arched and a loud moan escaped him.   
  
"You wouldn't be hard…" Muraki licked his ear before continuing, "…If you don't want this," he whispered again. Hijiri shook his head, denying the fact that he was aroused. Muraki released his hold on Hijiri and began stripping Hijiri of his clothes, almost ripping them to half but he managed to control himself. Hijiri couldn't struggle, he tried but his body wouldn't obey.   
  
"Why? Why are you doing… this to me…" the boy asked quietly after the last layer of his clothes was removed. The doctor trailed his hands all over the boy's chest before running down the long slender legs. Hijiri's back was arched as the doctor teased his painfully hard member, and urgently thrusting, wanting Muraki's touch. Hijiri took a firm grip on the doctor's white clad shoulder as Muraki began pumping him again. His head buried in the doctor's neck, trying to muffle his sounds of pleasure.  
  
"Tsuzuki… unn… ahhh… Tsuzuki… yes…" Hijiri moaned, making the doctor smirk. "Yes… think of me as Tsuzuki… your love… the one you've been longing for a long time now…" Hijiri's hips thrusting faster and faster, the doctor's hand squeezing the boy's length.   
  
"Tsuzuki… I want more… onegai…" Muraki chuckled, staring into Hijiri's green glazed over eyes. In Hijiri's vision, only Tsuzuki was present together with him. 'I'm going to enjoy this,' the doctor thought, as the spell worked it's magic on the brunette boy. Hijiri reached up, placing a soft kiss on Muraki's lips, thinking it was Tsuzuki, and the doctor replied with a hard heated one.   
  
Hijiri broke the kiss, pleading eyes gazing into silver ones. "Please… Tsuzuki, I love you… make love to me…" Getting up, Muraki only undressed from the waist down, and kneeling back down on the bed. The doctor lifted Hijiri's legs up on his broad shoulders, positioning his stiff member at Hijiri's entrance, and pushed in roughly. The doctor's organ penetrated Hijiri with such force, making the boy arch in pain, his mouth opened in a silent scream, voice barely coming out.  
  
"Tsuzuki… gently, please," he pleaded, not knowing that it was the sadistic doctor thrusting savagely into the boy's small body. "This is how it works, Hijiri," the doctor slurred, his breath hot against the boy's neck. "If you love me, you have to submit," Hijiri whimpered, another rough thrust pushing him deeper against the bed.   
  
Hijiri swallowed, trying not to voice out his pain. As long as Tsuzuki loves him and pleased with him, he would walk on hot burning charcoals. After more hard thrusts, the doctor achieved climax, spilling his seed inside the boy's body, some of it dribbling down his thighs, a mixture of blood in it. But Hijiri didn't reach the peak of pleasure, for his mind was clouded only with pain.   
  
The doctor pulled out of the exhausted boy's body. "Tsuzuki… I love you," came a soft whisper before fatigue overcame him, closing his eyes, thinking that Tsuzuki had forgotten Hisoka and loves him. Muraki smirked, "Stupid boy, just like your friend, easy to fool," he said aloud. Covering Hijiri's body only with a blanket, the doctor walked out.  
  
Inside Hijiri's dream, the Tsuzuki he saw was much more gentle, not hurting him. The Tsuzuki he saw loves him, and only him. No one else in the mind of the violet eyed man.   
  
"I'd do anything for you, Tsuzuki, because I love you,"  
  
End of chapter 14  
  
(A/N: Saa... minna, sorry again for the lag of update, but I've been quite busy this week and for all weeks I guess. But I've been dividing my time and I've came out with this.... So, I'm begging you guys to review my fic!!! ONEGAI ONEGAI ONEGAI!!! And I wanna say thank you to those who had done it... arigatou very much!!! 


	15. Could it be any harder

Chapter 15 Could it be any harder  
  
Jade green eyes opened as Hijiri woke up to an unfamiliar surroundings. The sun was just rising and he struggled to get up, but his whole body protested as it ached. He fell back down onto the soft bed, his head lying on the fluffy pillows, breathing hard. And the boy realized that he had no energy anymore to lift even his arms.   
  
"Tsuzuki?" he called out. He rested for a while on the bed, before struggling to push himself up, sitting up right. The blanket sliding down his body, stopping at his waist. "Tsuzuki, where are you?" Hijiri called again.   
  
Then he heard a click, and the door to his room opened, revealing his sensei, smiling at him. "Where's Tsuzuki?" the boy rubbed his temple before asking. The doctor smirked, "Tsuzuki? He's at home," Hijiri stared at the doctor, confusion visible on his face. 'Aren't I with Tsuzuki the day before this? Yes, I was with him, we… we made love…' he thought, and a little red tainted his cheeks.   
  
"But… but… then… what am I doing here then?" he asked again, grabbing hold of the blanket, bringing it up to his neck, trying to cover his bare flesh. Hijiri's innocent reaction made the doctor lick his lips, and he strode swiftly towards the boy. "Don't you remember, boy?" he took a seat on the bed, beside Hijiri's shivering form. "You came here, you had a fight with your friends, so I gave you comfort the best I can," he spoke again; lifting a hand to Hijiri's flushed cheek.   
  
"I comforted you the way that I want…" the hand trailed to the side of his neck before going down to his shoulder. "I was the one who took you, Hijiri…" Muraki used both of his hands to pry open the blanket from the boy's body. A single tear slipped down Hijiri's cheek, remembering the day before, how he got here and how it all started. "Yes… I was the one who took your virginity… your innocence…" Muraki bent down to lick at the boy's neck and he came up again, landing a fierce kiss on Hijiri's lips.   
  
"Iyaa!! Let go!" Hijiri broke the kiss and tried to get away but the doctor had both hands pinning his body on the bed. Again, the doctor's lips descended on his, bruising it, but Hijiri wasn't strong enough to push him away.   
  
*Beep* *Beep*  
  
Muraki was startled, and he fished his pager out of his coat pocket, reading for a while before frowning. Hijiri cowered backward, using the blanket as a shield. Muraki saw the movements, and shook his head.  
  
"My poor doll, no matter what you try to do, you know you'll fall into my hands anytime I want you to…" he spoke, placing his hand behind Hijiri's neck before pulling him into a kiss. Hijiri suddenly lost all thoughts and laced his arms around the doctor, kissing him back, returning the passion. Hijiri threw his head back, neck arching as Muraki's lips went to kiss and suck the boy's neck.   
  
Hijiri was soon automatically thrusting his hips against the doctor as the lips found a hardened nipple and began lapping, kissing, sucking and finally biting on it. The doctor licked all over his man breast, going down as Hijiri spread his legs, tossing the blankets aside. Muraki reached the boy's hard member and he licked the head first before using his hands to pump him. Hijiri began moaning and thrusting as pleasure set in, his body was flushed.   
  
Suddenly the doctor pulled away, and he stood up, straightening his clothes. Hijiri stared at him with wide green orbs, "Sensei…" he whispered. Muraki smirked down at him. "Where are you going?" Hijiri innocently asked. "I don't think I should tie you down on the bed, because I know you won't run far away from me," he whispered in Hijiri's ear, his hand stroking the boy for a second before walking out the door, with Hijiri staring at the entrance where the doctor had just exited.   
  
The boy slowly closed his legs, erection quickly disappearing and brought the blanket up. Wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face in it, Hijiri sobbed painfully. "Baka!! Baka Hijiri!!" Tears of pain and anger spilled onto the white sheets. "BAKA!! Look what Tsuzuki think of you now!"   
  
'I let him use me, I let him use me, I let him use me, I let him toy with me, how stupid can I get?!' he thought angrily in his heart, which was breaking in two inside. Hijiri rose tear streaked face, and he got up, looking for his clothes but finding none. Hijiri almost pulled his hair out of his head, but managed to stay rational, but for how long? He opened one of the doctor's closets and found it wasn't locked. Grabbing only a large white polo shirt and a pair of short pants, he put them on. The shirt went down his thighs, almost hiding the pants.  
  
He rushed out of the door, ignoring the cries of the maids. He ran as fast as he could to the streets, avoiding some cars that swerved trying not to hit him. And the next thing he knew, he was panting in front of a cherry blossom park, his chest tightening as he fought for air. His breath coming out weezed. Not knowing where else to go, he sat on a bench, in front of a huge sakura tree. The pink petals showering down softly around him and he let on land on the palm of his hand.   
  
'Sakura, pink and soft, always cheerful, just like Tsuzuki,' he thought. He tried to hold back his tears that were threatening him with knives to fall. 'Tsuzuki, just like a sakura petal, you're fragile, when you're hurt, you broke down but not for long,' he thought again. He blew the petal away, and it flew, spinning in the air before gravity brought it down on the ground. 'I've lost you, Tsuzuki, I lost you because I was stupid, I gave in to Muraki Sensei and I got tricked,' Flashbacks of the time when he met the doctor inside the cafeteria showed up, filling his mind and making him dizzy.  
  
'I love you, Tsuzuki,'  
  
*****  
  
"I love you," Tsuzuki whispered suddenly, Hisoka still curled up in his arms. Tsuzuki kissed the top of his head, making Hisoka's blush a bit darker. It was already dark but Tsuzuki could still see the blush, and he smiled. Hisoka always looked cute, whenever a colour of red tinges his cheeks. But the boy had always tried to hide it, sometimes changing the topics, sometimes turning his face away, or even at times, he would change his facial expressions, into an angry one. But at times when Hisoka never did anything, Tsuzuki had cherished the moment, and framed it into his heart.  
  
And this time, Hisoka just snuggled deeper, burying his flushed face in Tsuzuki's chest, a small, tiny smile forming on his lips. After a few minutes of silence, Tsuzuki was slightly disappointed when Hisoka didn't reply to his confession. But, that's okay, he knew Hisoka would have a hard time forming the three words, and Tsuzuki would give the boy all the time in the world. Even if it meant he had to wait forever, he would. He never cared whether Hisoka said it or not, words aren't everything.   
  
Tsuzuki's lips came again to the top of his head, and he trailed it slowly down to his forehead, going down again to his cheeks, before brushing his lips against Hisoka's, softly, feathery touch. Hisoka's eyes fluttered closed as he leaned up, pressing his lips back to Tsuzuki's.   
  
The kiss became hotter and hotter, as passion began building in their bodies. Tsuzuki's body was already on top of Hisoka's as his hands trailed up and down the boy's sides. Hisoka broke the kiss, looking deep into Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes before shutting his own tightly as Tsuzuki's mouth trailed down to his neck. Something inside Hisoka was trying to push Tsuzuki away as flashbacks of the times just a few days ago with the doctor came.   
  
Tsuzuki's hands were already busy unbuttoning his shirt, spreading it, exposing his thin body. Hisoka whimpered as a flash of silver shone brightly in his eyes. 'NO! Tsuzuki needs this, I have to give him,' he thought. He felt kissed slowly going down his chest, and he clenched his fist on the sheets. 'It's a prove that I love him, I can't even say it aloud but at least I can give him my body,' he thought again. But no matter how much Hisoka tried to just avoid ugly visions, he couldn't.   
  
'You slept with me, you offered your body to me, and you even have the face to give it to Tsuzuki, that stained body, sinned,' Hisoka screamed suddenly, the impact of the voice startled Tsuzuki and he pulled away, only to be shocked again as his sight was greeted with red. Red writings glowed all over Hisoka's body, and Tsuzuki could see them from Hisoka's exposed chest.   
  
Hisoka quickly grabbed the sheets, covering his body with it, cowering backwards, staring at Tsuzuki with eyes that the brunette couldn't describe. It wasn't fear, nor was it regret. Then what was it? His gaze then shifted from Hisoka's eyes to his body, which were glowing red and the writings were slightly throbbing.   
  
"Hi… Hisoka, where did these come from?" he asked suddenly, it wasn't the right time but he had to. And Hisoka simply turned away, not daring to meet Tsuzuki's eyes. Tsuzuki moved closer, trying to pull Hisoka into his arms, but the boy placed his hands on Tsuzuki's chest, halting his movements. "Don't… please…" Hisoka was shivering and he needed Tsuzuki's warmth, but he couldn't risk the brunette touching his stained body.   
  
Hisoka removed his hands from Tsuzuki's body to button up his shirt, but he was shaking so bad that he couldn't fit the button into the hole. Seeing his troubles, Tsuzuki offered and helped him with his shirt. After the job was done, Hisoka made to get up from the bed, but a pair of arms then wrapped around him from behind, startling him. "Tsuzuki?"  
  
"You're not the one to walk out of this room, 'Soka," Tsuzuki started. "I'm the one who made the mistakes, I should be the one to get out, I'm sorry, Hisoka," Tsuzuki released Hisoka from his hold and got up, walking straight to the door. Turning back, he saw tears in Hisoka's eyes, "Just remember, I love you," he whispered before exiting from the room.   
  
Tears fell freely, and he gripped the sheets tighter, cursing himself to be so weak. "Tsuzuki, I'm sorry, I love you, but I can't say it, I don't know why," he spoke aloud, and buried his face in the covers, sobbing.   
  
*****  
  
Tsuzuki strolled around the park, it was already dark and there were less people around. He kicked a pebble repeatedly until it fell into a pond, bouncing on the water a couple of times before sinking. His thoughts went back to Hijiri. He had asked Hijiri to go and now, he wouldn't know where the boy is, and it made him worried. He had lived together with Hijiri far longer than Hisoka and he missed him.   
  
He had asked Hijiri to go, cruelly. And he didn't even think about forgiveness at that time. He really couldn't think back then. And at second thought, he wondered why Hijiri acted the way he did. Hijiri had said the words that he wanted Hisoka to say so much! 'I love you.' Three simple words. And Hijiri said it to him, asked him to love him. To make love to him.   
  
He never ever has seen Hijiri so needy before. The day before, Hijiri was completely fine, but then, nothing could be perfect.   
  
*****  
  
'I have nowhere to go and nowhere to run to,' Hijiri thought. Tsuzuki had gotten rid of the odd one out, that is, himself. To him, it wasn't Tsuzuki's fault. It was rather his own for acting foolishly, and stupidly. He would rather be named any negative one than being hated. He will take any harsh words from Tsuzuki but he wouldn't want the brunette to hate him. Harsh words and hate are the same that he couldn't separate their meanings.   
  
He felt like Tsuzuki did the right thing. He knew already that Sensei did something to him, maybe drugged him to make him act the way he did, which is a whore. His heart hurts so much that he felt his chest tightening and he could die any moment. No, heartbreak couldn't kill, could it? 'Tsuzuki hates me, and now probably Hisoka hates me too, what's left in my life?' he thought bitterly.   
  
Yes, heartbreak could kill. It could kill anyone alone, because loneliness won't rest unless it finds a victim. And unfortunately, the victim is he, Hijiri, and loneliness is already setting a poison in him to kill. The boy felt like his heart could explode any moment, literally.   
  
'I know what to do,' he thought and got up from the bench, his legs a little sore but he ignored it and began running. Running as fast as he could. His aim is a building, a tall one, maybe a 30 story high. And his mission is to jump from the top of the building. So, before loneliness could kill him, he'd rather be killed by insanity.  
  
In the midst of running, with his vision a little blurry, Hijiri bumped into something, or rather someone. And he fell, bottom first on the ground. His hand immediately went to his head, rubbing the sore place. "Ittai…" he moaned a little. Damn it, damn it all. He opened his eyes slowly and gasped softly.  
  
"… Tsuzuki…" came the soft whisper from his lips. Remembering the things he did, hastily looked away, refusing to show the shame in his eyes to the one he love. 'Tsuzuki could kick me any time now,' he whispered, but it didn't happen, instead a hand was extended towards him. He slowly looked up; directing confused jade eyes to cheery amethyst ones.  
  
"Here…" Hijiri hesitated for a while before accepting the hand, getting up with Tsuzuki's help and let his hands linger on the brunette's for a while. "Are you alright?" Tsuzuki asked, acting as if nothing ever happened between them. Hijiri bowed his head, refusing to look at the purple eyes, which saw his sins.   
  
Tsuzuki tilted Hijiri's chin with his hand, making him look into his eyes. And at that moment, Hijiri broke down, "Tsuzuki… gomen nasai!!! Hontou ni gomen nasai!! I didn't mean to do it, Tsuzuki, I'm sorry," and he fell on his knees, clutching Tsuzuki's legs. The brunette's eyes soften, and he pulled Hijiri back to his feet, hugging him close to his chest.   
  
"I'll forgive you, Hijiri," he whispered softly, "I can't stay mad at you forever anyway," Hijiri responses were tightening his hold on Tsuzuki's body, afraid that he was only dreaming.   
  
"Let's go, Hijiri-kun, you're cold and shivering, and I bet you haven't eaten yet," came Tsuzuki's cheerful words again, and the boy couldn't help smiling as he released the older man.   
  
"You… you'd still let me stay?" Hijiri asked, unsure and uncertain. "Hai… and I'll cook you dinner for tonight, I really don't want to see the three of us break apart," he softly added as Tsuzuki put his arms around Hijiri's shoulders and together they walked back to their home.  
  
End of chapter 15  
  
(A/N: Minna, again it's been a long time since I wrote, but I've got an explanation... actually I'm very busy with school works, our lecturer actually works us day and night, so I used the rest of my free times writing this, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's a little boring at the end of this, but still more to come!!! It's not ended yet... so, read and review please!!!! I really need someone to review this!!! Really really neeeeeeedd it!!!!!!) 


	16. Useless

Chapter 16 Useless  
  
That night, found Hijiri in his own bedroom clutching his head as voices from nowhere spoke to him. As the voices grew louder his whimpers were no match to it.  
  
'Go… go to him, my puppet, show him your love…' the voice spoke, and he recognized it. He kept saying 'shut up' for the umpteenth time, but it won't stop. It kept going until Hijiri realized he would go insane if the voice continues. 'My poor little doll, don't be shy, show him you love him, prove to that boy that you are better than him,' it said again.  
  
Scarlet tears were running down his face, and falling to the stained sheets. Muraki's voice grew louder and he covered his ears, using both of his palms, as if he was trying to block it. But the voice came from inside and he was helpless, a slave doll to the doctor.   
  
'Go!! I know you need him, Hijiri, I know you need him in you, inside your tight body, you want him there, Hijiri,' his eyes were shut tight as the doctor cast yet another spell on him, making him aroused for no reason. In that instant he felt really hot and he began sweating. 'What are you waiting for? I know you want it,' the voice slurred in his ears.   
  
"I love Tsuzuki, I love Tsuzuki, I love Tsuzuki, but I can't do that to him, onegai sensei, don't force me," he begged silently. Inside, he could already see the doctor smirking at his efforts. But he wouldn't risk hurting Tsuzuki anymore.   
  
But soon, Hijiri found himself getting out of his room and walking towards Tsuzuki's room. He willed his body to turn back, but he couldn't fight the spell. Tears still running down his face, he opened the door to Tsuzuki's darkened room and found the object of his mission lying asleep on the bed. The boy removed all traces of his own clothing, leaving his flesh naked.  
  
Hijiri climbed onto the bed, discarding the blanket wrapped around Tsuzuki's body, and the boy lightly unbuttoned his shirt, until his chest was exposed. Tears were still running down his face, but his other self was craving for Tsuzuki to slam it in him. Straddling the brunette's hips, Hijiri bent down, taking a nipple into his mouth and began sucking. Tsuzuki was soon stirring in his sleep, and moaning.   
  
"Ugh… Hisoka…" and the name which came from Tsuzuki's lips made him angry. And his fingers were pushing the brunette's pants down, while his lips switched to the other hardened nipple. As Hijiri's hands wrapped around the semi hard member, Tsuzuki's eyes snapped open.  
  
"Hijiri?" he gasped and grabbed hold of his arms, holding him at a certain distance. "What are you doing?" Tsuzuki was well aware that he was naked, but did nothing, still holding Hijiri at arms length. The boy didn't know how to answer. He just knew that he needed Tsuzuki, so much, that he'd do anything.  
  
"I love you, Tsuzuki," he suddenly said, trying to free himself from Tsuzuki's grip. "Don't deny me, please," and he began grinding his hips against Tsuzuki's making the older man moan and release the boy. Hijiri was soon getting down to business, trailing kisses down his chest to his stomach, with Tsuzuki groaning aloud. When he reached lower, he blushed at the sight of Tsuzuki's hard and up thrust male organ.   
  
Without even preparing himself, Hijiri moved up and thrust down on the length, both of them screaming. One was screaming in ecstasy while the other was in obvious pain. 'It hurts… hurts so bad…' he thought, but he kept going. He was sure gonna give Tsuzuki pleasure, and he wanted Tsuzuki to love him also, so he fought his pain and began moving in to Tsuzuki's rhythm.  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile, Hisoka was in his room, feeling bad about the night before. And right now, Hisoka was feeling weird, as if something bad was gonna happen, or rather, happening. Something in his chest doesn't feel right.  
  
He fisted his fists, the feeling a little bothering him, so he went downstairs to take a drink of cold water. As he was walking downstairs, he passed Tsuzuki's room, which were full of weird sounds coming from inside.  
  
"Nnnn... ahhh..." the feeling of worries quickly filled him, hearing the moans, as if in pain. Hand on the door knob, Hisoka twisted lightly until he heard a click sound. The door opened with a spine shivering sound and what contains inside the room made him gasp aloud. His eyes wide opened, moans were filling up.   
  
"Tsuzuki…" he whispered softly. The poor green-eyed boy didn't know how to react.   
  
On the bed were his lover and his friend that he'd just recently forgave. They were savagely making out and didn't even notice their intruder.   
  
Hisoka shut his eyes tight as he felt something inside him going to explode. It wasn't his anger, he noted, but something else. Tears were already running down his face, but there's something inside him waiting to be released. His fists clenched at the sight of his friend, Hijiri, literally riding on Tsuzuki. It was then that his anger came out. But soon, he felt the strange sensation again on his back, and he whimpered.   
  
Not wanting to watch any of this anymore, which only would stretch out his sufferings, he ran out, door banging hard. He ran and ran and in a few seconds he was at the front of his own room. Barging in, he rushed to the bathroom, throwing up as the weird feeling on his back intensify itself.   
  
The feeling was still there as he finished vomiting, and he whimpered again. The feeling turned into pain, and his whole body was glowing red, the writings already visible.   
  
"Help me, help me," he whimpered, and at that moment something exploded on his back, making him scream.   
  
*****  
  
The sound of door slamming shut and a pained scream following soon after startled Tsuzuki from the activity he was busy with. Hijiri opened his eyes, confused as to why did the brunette stopped.   
  
"Tsuzuki? Don't stop…" Hijiri whimpered, and he moved his hips again but was stopped by Tsuzuki's hands. Hijiri was beyond confused and he was worried if Tsuzuki shall walk away right now. So he did the only thing that would make him stay.   
  
Bending down he kissed the brunette, long and hard, with Tsuzuki unable to refuse as a hot tongue licked his lips. But as soon as Hijiri's tongue entered him, he broke the kiss.  
  
"Dame, Hijiri, I think we shouldn't do this," But it went ignored to Hijiri as he began pumping his hips again, Tsuzuki's arousal still buried in his body. The motions made Tsuzuki arch his back, and Hijiri continued moving his hips until Tsuzuki joins him. The suspicious sound went unnoticed to Tsuzuki. But to Hijiri, he was well aware that Hisoka saw them, and he wanted to prove to Hisoka that he could be a better lover for Tsuzuki.  
  
*****  
  
Wide silver wings spread out from his body, followed by pained screams. 'No, no, not now,' he whispered to himself. The wings grew until it almost touched the ceilings, but it didn't. And Hisoka's shirt was torn opened, by the force of it. As soon as the wings stopped growing he slumped to the floor, face pressed against the cold tiles, panting.   
  
There were no pain again but the pain of his curse was still there, burning through his flesh. As soon as he regained his breathings, he pushed himself up, and stared at the mirror, his reflections staring back. And his reflections were paled, all white except for the red marks on his body. And to add to the curiosity, he had large wings sprouting from his back.   
  
This isn't normal, this isn't normal, he thought. And suddenly his legs felt weak and he gripped the sink to avoid an ugly crash. 'What's happening to me?' his mind voiced.   
  
'Now you understand? Tsuzuki needs someone to really love him, and it's obvious to everyone that you're not the one for him,' a voice suddenly broke through the bathroom's reverie. Hisoka shut his eyes, and concentrated on trying to make the voice go away. He had been having those weird voices talking to him ever since that night three years ago, and he surely knows who the speaker is.   
  
"My poor doll, is Tsuzuki mean towards you? Aren't you gonna find out what's happening between your friend and your lover?" the voice spoke again, and Hisoka held the sink tighter.   
  
"Shut up, Muraki," came a hiss from an annoyed Hisoka. And he could picture the doctor smirking. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, naughty boy," and the next thing Hisoka knew, he was on his knees, hugging his chest, and moaning in pain as the marks on his body came alive, torturing his skin. "Haven't you learn yet? I'm your master, and you are my doll, my precious one,"   
  
Chills ran up and down Hisoka's spine, as Muraki's voice slurred in his ear, but there was no one near him. And then something caught his eyes in the mirror. The room was suddenly so steamed up that the mirror was blurry. Then, something began writing on it, and he read carefully.  
  
"I will make sure to attend your funeral," goose bumps rose to his skin and he whimpered. And once again, he is terrified of the doctor, scared of what he could do to him and also scared of what he could do to Tsuzuki, or even Hijiri.   
  
"Stop it, stop it, stop it!!" he chanted repeatedly. Then he felt a hand running up and down one of his wing. He turned to see, but there was no one. "I wonder, where did these come from, boy?" the voice asked, and Hisoka was sure, he'll be insane, answering to it. His wings flapped in reflex, until the touch wasn't there. And he found himself exhausted after moving those huge appendages.  
  
It was then that he heard something odd coming from inside his head. And the sound he heard were getting louder and louder until he could hear it as if it's in front of him. And then he remembered the sound he heard a few minutes ago, in Tsuzuki's room.   
  
'That's right, I'm just giving you a preview of what's happening in there,' Muraki's voice came again, making him shut his ears using both of his hands. He wanted the doctor to stop talking to him, stop playing with his mind and stop hurting him and Tsuzuki. But he could still hear the voice of lovemaking, the moans of his lover. It wasn't directed towards him but to his friend, Hijiri.   
  
Hijiri was pleasuring his lover, a thing Hisoka could never do, or even try to. Weak. That was what he think himself is. A weakling. Hijiri and Tsuzuki might be better off without him. Maybe Tsuzuki only loves someone strong emotionally, not a weakling like him. And also not someone dirty like him.   
  
Hisoka's chest tightened at the thought. The mistake he made a few days ago with the doctor, it had affected his whole life. Ruined it. And here he was, regretting the moment. 'Yes, remember it, remember what I did, remember what you wanted that night,' the voice whispered again. He whimpered as images of what he didn't want to know flashes in front of his eyes. And he was disgusted with himself. And he wouldn't be surprised anymore if Tsuzuki happened to know what happened and left him for Hijiri.  
  
Hijiri. Hijiri is stronger than himself. It's obvious Hijiri loves Tsuzuki more, and he himself could only be a fly on the wall. A fly that could be smacked anytime by anyone annoyed.   
  
Hisoka shook his head. "Iyaa!!! I can't… doushite, Tsuzuki…" he whispered to himself, tears pouring down his face. His hands shook as a razor came from nowhere, appearing suddenly. He was holding onto it but was confused as to what to do with it. When suddenly he felt his hands inching the razor closer to his wrist, he knew what he wanted already.  
  
He wanted a life free of pain.  
  
End of Chapter 16  
  
(A/N: Like the usual, I would like it if people review this chapter... It's kind of short but I think the point of the title is there... I knew this story is taking a turn to the worst but I just want to try something that people don't always write... and I hope all of you won't beat me up for it, or even sue me... I don't have a penny left in my pocket!! So, anyway, please read and review, comments, suggestions, or even flames will be welcomed.. as long as those flames are true and not written just to annoy me, okay?) 


	17. Broken Angel

Chapter 17 Broken Angel  
  
Tsuzuki had stopped thrusting, but above him, Hijiri was moaning and going wild. Something in his heart felt…disturbing. The scream just now, he realized wasn't his imagination anymore as it rang through his ears. "Hisoka…" he whispered out loud, as the disturbing feelings got worse and worst. Tsuzuki grabbed Hijiri's arms, and rolled them to the side, pulling out of him immediately.  
  
Confusion was written all over Hijiri's facial expression. And when Tsuzuki tried to get up, Hijiri latched himself on the brunette like a baby koala hugging its mother. Tsuzuki got more and more worried as Hijiri began nipping at his neck. "Hijiri, stop, now!" Tsuzuki pushed the boy off him and he landed on the bed. The brunette grabbed his shirt and pants, putting them on quickly. As stubborn as ever the boy grabbed Tsuzuki's hands and dragged him into bed together. He began grinding his still hard organ into Tsuzuki's groin but it didn't affect the brunette.   
  
Tsuzuki was getting tired of this and pinned the boy's arms above his head. "Snap out of this Hijiri," he growled before climbing off the bed and reaching for the door. He was about to turn the doorknob when suddenly, "I love you, Tsuzuki," a small whisper came from the boy on the bed. 'Ignore him or turn around,' the brunette thought.   
  
"I love you so bad that it hurts when you only set your eyes on Hisoka," the boy's voice going beyond whisper and coming out ragged because of his sobs. "Dakara… don't leave me, onegai!" Tsuzuki closed his eyes before turning towards the crying boy. Those amethyst eyes soften at the sight of his friend, sobbing, his shoulders shaking but the green depths were still staring at him.   
  
"I'm sorry for leading you on just now Hijiri, that was cruel," Hijiri was about to cut him in but Tsuzuki quickly replied, "I love you too, Hijiri but only as a friend, I love you… like a brother, Hijiri," Tears ran down Hijiri's face, unable to hold it in, and his chest tightened. "I'm so so so sorry-" He stopped as Hijiri rushed to him, wrapping his arms around the brunette.   
  
"Please, say that you truly love me and say that you'll stay with me," the boy sobbed into Tsuzuki's chest. "Say it, please, Tsuzuki, I want you to love me, onegai!" he pleaded. Tsuzuki softly pushed him away, wiping the tears that leaked from green eyes. "I'm sorry," was the simple whisper Tsuzuki offered before exiting the room. Hijiri fell to his knees, hugging his chest. "Tell me what did I do wrong,"  
  
Tsuzuki ran as fast as he could towards Hisoka's room and kicked to the door open. No Hisoka. He was about to look somewhere else when he heard something from the bathroom. "'Soka-chan?" he called out. Opening the door to the bathroom softly, he gasped.   
  
Lying on the floor, broken and bleeding was his lover. His body was messed up with writings and there were huge wings spreading from his back. His shirt were torn open and his wrist… both of them bleeding. One of his hands was still holding the razor. A broken angel, which was how he would describe Hisoka. Afraid that Tsuzuki would be too late, the brunette rushed to him, kneeling before the boy. He didn't dare to touch his wrist to search for pulse for fear of hurting him so he placed two fingers on the pulse point on his neck. And fortunately it was still there but very weak.   
  
'Stop the bleeding, stop the bleeding,' he thought. He searched his mind for anything to do but it was blank. Tears ran down his face. He ran out of the bathroom, looking for something… anything to stop the bleeding. He finally found the first aid kit and opened it clumsily. Taking the bandage out he rushed back in.   
  
Kneeling beside the broken angel, he carefully lifted one arm and rested it on his lap. Taking the bandage he carefully wrapped it around the wrist. He knew being careful would waste time since both of his wrists were bleeding. Hisoka started regaining consciousness, although the blood lost were terrible, he could still open his eyes, looking at the person which were trying to save his life.   
  
Tsuzuki.  
  
His eyes locked on the brunette, before it traveled lower to see what was he doing. He tried to snatch back his wrist but he had zero energy and he could only twitch his fingers. Tsuzuki saw the movements and Hisoka blinked as the amethyst bore through him. "Hisoka!" the brunette exclaimed. "L… leave me… alone…" Hisoka moaned softly and if he had the option to just stay quiet and let nature take it's toll, he would do just that, but he couldn't since Tsuzuki was trying to save him. And he doesn't want to be saved.   
  
The brunette didn't leave though, instead, he kept wrapping the bleeding wrist, making the blond wince and cry out. The blonde's vision was starting to blur, and he closed his eyes, maybe he would be gone in no time. He would be living in a painless world. But before his eyelashes touch his cheeks, Tsuzuki shook him and he opened his eyes.   
  
"Don't, please," the brunette, whispered before going onto the other wrist. The blonde's body arched as another pain surged through him. And Tsuzuki watched in horror as Hisoka's body glowed red, the curse marks pounding on the white skin. Hisoka couldn't take it, and he began crying for 'it' to stop.   
  
Tsuzuki couldn't do anything, as the blonde began thrashing, with Tsuzuki wondering where he got the energy to do so. His wrist slipped out of Tsuzuki's hold and the wrappings began loosing. Blood slowly trickled out. Hisoka cried out again and this time, coherent words were spoken. "Muraki… stop torturing me… please… just take my life away…" he begged and Tsuzuki didn't know what to do. He wasn't even sure if Hisoka knows that someone is with him.   
  
Tsuzuki grabbed the boy's wrist and pressed the messed up bandage on it, trying his best to stop the blood. It made the boy cry out again and Tsuzuki pulled the shaking body closer to his, hugging him to his chest. The warmth from Tsuzuki couldn't stop the pain this time though, since Muraki's curse was stronger and the boy kept begging for 'it' to stop again and again. "Let… me die… Tsu… zuki…" he pleaded to the amethyst eyed man. Tsuzuki was having none of this and he carried the weak Hisoka out of the suffocating bathroom, minding the large wings before laying Hisoka onto the soft sheets of the bed.   
  
Hisoka tried to drift back to the land of unconsciousness, but he just couldn't. He felt like dying, but he just couldn't go. A river of tears drifted down his pale face. "Tsuzuki… let go…" a small voice spoke suddenly. It was barely a whisper and Tsuzuki thought he heard wrong. "Nani?" Hisoka somehow knew that Tsuzuki couldn't let go and that was why he just can't go to the next life. Tsuzuki's emotions were trapping him to the real world. The world filled with pain.   
  
"Let… go…" he said again, trying to force some strength into the voice. This time, Tsuzuki was really confused. And it was then that he heard the door slamming to the wall. And there stood Hijiri, panting. And when those identical eyes set onto Hisoka, he gasped.   
  
The blonde boy had white silvery wings coming out of his back, and red writings all over his body. And his wrist, both of them were slit, but bandages were wrapped clumsily around it to try and stop the bleeding. "Hi… Hisoka," Tsuzuki's head shot up, eyes meeting with Hijiri's. And a slow blush crept over the brunette boy's cheeks.   
  
'This is not the time,' Tsuzuki thought. "Hijiri, call the ambulance, now!" he ordered, trying to pull the crying boy into his arms. At the word ambulance, Hisoka panicked. Ambulance could be related to many things, such as hospitals, doctors, white, silver, Muraki, pain, torture, curse, suffering, and lastly force.   
  
"NO! Can't… don't want to…" he thrashed wildly, and Tsuzuki trying to calm him. Hijiri was still rooted on the spot. "Hijiri! Call them!" Hisoka was still thrashing weakly, his blood loss wasn't helping, but somehow his fear is winning, giving him extra strength.   
  
"No, please… I… I don't want them… to see me… like this," he voiced out, moving his wings a little to let them understand. Those white silver wings were still there, almost matching his pale skin. Thin arms wrapped around Tsuzuki, seeking warmth as his body's temperature went down slowly. "I want… to stay here… with… with you… until the end, Tsuzuki," he whispered painfully, shutting his eyes as the curse marks came to life once again.  
  
"What are you saying, 'soka-chan? You can't go, you can't leave me," Tsuzuki cried. "You… you just can't…" Hisoka was in a dilemma once again. He doesn't want to be killed by the curse; instead he wanted to die naturally. But, Tsuzuki… what will happen to him? His lover will be all alone. Tsuzuki will be all alone here, with Hijiri.  
  
Hijiri! Hijiri can be here with Tsuzuki. Hijiri loves Tsuzuki so he won't be alone anymore. Tsuzuki won't be alone because Hijiri is here. Hijiri will be replacing him. And Tsuzuki will have a new lover. Someone he can truly love and make love to, without anything stopping him.   
  
"Muraki sensei… he's… he's a doctor, maybe he can do something…" Tsuzuki's head shot up to look at Hijiri. The boy looked uncomfortable at his gaze, and he was even more restless when Tsuzuki's eyes sharpen.   
  
"Don't you understand?! Muraki brought this upon Hisoka! And you're asking for him?" Hijiri backed away at the brunette's yells, tears welling up in his eyes. "He was raped by that psycho and all you can think about is HIM?!" He couldn't hold back his tears as he stuttered, trying to explain.  
  
"Tsu… Tsuzuki… what I meant… was… was…-" he was cut short suddenly. "You never thought about him, have you?! All you could do was get jealous and run over to that doctor!" Hisoka began whimpering in his arms. "And when that DOCTOR tortured Hisoka, you were asking for him again?!" a low mumble joined the whimpering of the boy's. "What kind of a friend are you, Hijiri!!"   
  
The last yell made Hisoka arch his back. Tsuzuki glanced worriedly down; one of Hisoka's hands had grabbed hold of Tsuzuki's shirt, eyes tightly shut and his other hand over his chest. "Don't fight… hurts…" was the pained whisper Hisoka let out.   
  
Tsuzuki would have to strain his ears to hear what Hisoka was actually saying. "Your… your anger… painful," the boy said again. Confusion overwhelmed him before and Tsuzuki bowed his head. Guilty filling his heart at the same time. He was scolding Hijiri just a minute ago, bringing up something about friendship, and here he was, hurting Hisoka. But he still couldn't understand.   
  
'How am I hurting him?' he questioned to himself as he cradled Hisoka in his arms, whispering 'Gomene' softly.  
  
Hisoka gasped suddenly as his breath got stucked in his throat, his hands clawing violently on his neck and leaving red lines along the skin. Blood trailed from his wrist onto the white skin of his neck. Even Tsuzuki was amazed the blood flow haven't stopped.  
  
The curse marks on his body flared and Hisoka arched, a scream of agony came from his mouth. Whimpers and softly whispered 'stop' came soon after the scream. "Tsu… I… I want to die… hurts so bad…" came another whisper that made Tsuzuki's heart squeeze.  
  
Hisoka felt his eyes closed on it's own accord, and the boy welcomed the feeling of darkness as it overwhelmed him. He could hear the panicked yells from his lover and the slow sobs from his friend. 'It doesn't matter, I want to be free of this pain,' he thought as he felt himself tugged into a painless world.   
  
"Love you… Tsuzuki…" he managed to whisper before the blood lost and the curse marks took his breath away, and his hand which were clawing at his throat just a second ago fell limp beside him.   
  
A loud scream of lost could be heard as the boy sighed for the last time.  
***  
End of Chapter 17!  
***  
  
(A:N: *Sniff*, gomen for not writing *sniff* in a long period of time. I couldn't figure what to put in this chapter so I waited. Sorry! The story is not ended yet, so, feedbacks will be welcomed. And to those whom emailed me personally asking for this chapter, I'm sorry for taking too long!! And to those who reviewed my story, ARIGATOU!!! I need to know what you guys think, so please press the review button!!!) 


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